The Father Heart of God

Day 1:
My heart is stolen. Two precious little thieves took possession of my heart. She took me into her tiny home, 5 beds, little space. A momma and papa who don't care and a 10 year old brother that basically takes care of them. Have they ever felt love before? The injustice that this concept is so foreign weighs on my heart.
But here is the gift, I have a few short days to pour all my love on them. Every ounce I have ever been given will be my only gift to these two girls.
Day 2:
I love them so much. "Te amo." My words so inadequate. I read them  bible stories in my Spanish bible. Do they understand?
I come again and one of them sees me. She engulfs me in a bear hug with her tiny arms.
She feels love. She knows love maybe for the first time with my broken Spanish and my heart filled with jesus.
I hear jesus' gentle words. "Give them to me. I love them so much more than you do." How is that possible? Because the love I experience is so great I can't even explain it. I know it is God's father heart overflowing with love, first onto me, out pouring onto these beautiful children. What is my capacity? When will I run out? When will my heart break? I've thought about the day I must leave them. And my heart aches. A burden i am not sure I can bear. And Satan whispers lies, "Love isn't worth it. This will break you. This will crush you. Don't do it." But my Father's words are sweeter. "Pull me a little closer, take me a little deeper." I have finally found where I belong. In the arms of love.
Day 3:
If I love them this much and you love them so much more, then I feel safe giving then to you. I feel safe loving them with nothing left even when I know just how much it will hurt.
You answered my prayers you gave us an opportunity to share the gospel with their parents. Your hand is on this family. I know and I can confidently say that I trust you. Your hands are softer your love is more gentle, your heart is deeper and your arms are wider and you will never run  dry. Thank you for that.

Day 4:
I have one more day and I can feel my heart breaking. I can hear God whispering, "Leah, keep on loving." I'll give her my everything, but I know it will hurt. I'll give her Jesus. God says to me, "my love for her is unconditional." Am I the only one to ever love her?
He promises, "I know the plans I have for her. Plans to prosper her and not to harm her, plans to give her a future and a hope." And I trust him more than I ever have. Because I know his love and I know that he began a good work in her and he will complete it by the day or christ jesus. I believe these promises.

Day 5:
It's over. Our goodbye happened in the blink of an eye and then she was gone. The tears came, as they should. Goodbye is a terribly, bittersweet thing. But in the words of Winnie the pooh. "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

I asked for this. A week ago, I prayed an apparently dangerous prayer. "God, give me a greater revelation of your father heart." And since I have experienced a love I cannot explain. If I can love this much as a flawed human, and it is only a faint shadow of the love God feels. His heart of love is so deep, so vast and expansive, yet so deep and so intimately personal. How could I ever doubt his love? I can't doubt that he will take care of Ashly. Of course he would want to speak to her as he wants to speak to me. We are his daughters. My heart is broken as I have to be the one to leave her. His heart can never be broken for that. His heart breaks when we run from him. He always pursues. Always. I felt this love and I am compelled to trust him.
Its like I am drowning in an ocean of love, I can feel his heart beating next to mine.
And now, I can love bravely. A strong love that comes from God, and shows me how to lean not on my own understanding. A love that might now be safe, but a love that I trust.