Love, Raw and Dangerous

I didn't know that India would capture my heart the way it did. I don't think it was the place, it wasn't the glorious landscape or the mounds of rice that stole my heart. No, it wasn't the trash or the poverty. It couldn't have been that. What was it about this place that stole my heart? I think it was the eyes that were tunnels that led straight to the depths of their souls. It was the heartbreak and repetition written on every woman's face. It was the confusion mixed with desperation and joy when a child felt something different from us.

It wasn't because we were white, yes, that brought them close, but what allowed us into their hearts for just a moment was Jesus. We were glowing, not just our skin, our hearts. They could see it in our eyes and they wanted it. And that was love. It was that one thing, that one raw and dangerous emotion that tied my heart to the country of India.

 An overabundant, never-ending fountain of love. It started in the morning as I spent time with Jesus as he whispered it across my soul. Showing me exactly what my heart needed, rescuing my from pride that could so easily step in. He whispered the words so often early in my trip, "Stay soft, Leah." Preparing my heart for the outpouring of this love. Giving me my sustenance, my joy, my peace, to sustain me.  But it didn't end there, because throughout the day, I just felt this overwhelming urge to tell these people, these children about the love that I know so personally. It wasn't just words, it was real. "Jesus loves you so much," was a truth they had to know. I needed them to understand. In those moments, I felt Jesus' heart for them. How he undoubtedly loved them, How he was pursuing them through the strangest of instruments, me. He orchestrated this moment in time in the most beautiful of ways. His Love flowed through me that gave me a capacity to love. And I never ran out, it was endless. Psalm 92:2 was so real. It is good... to declare your steadfast love in the morning and your faithfulness by night."
The morning I knew his love and by the end of the day the only words I could express were words of gratitude. I sat on the roof many nights with my friend, Liz, and said, "God is so faithful."

I remember holding a little girl in my arms as we walked through the village. The look on her face was confused. She hadn't known this. But she was reveling in it. When she was just walking beside me she had been excited, jumping up and down, but now, she was peaceful, soaking in something different, something that resonated with her heart. Her eyes that led to her soul showed me a glimmer of gratitude because for the first time, she knew what it meant to be held, to be loved.

So how did a home so different from my own take my heart? It was Love Himself.
It's the same with Camp Yolijwa and Cherokee, North Carolina.
They are both places I learned to give love, places I felt my Savior so strongly, that my heart was stolen, captured.
Maybe it's not the places that have a hold on my heart, although I left pieces of my heart behind in those beautiful places, but it's Jesus.

And I have come to the conclusion, Love is a raw and dangerous place to be. Love is hard and can sometimes break your heart. But if you close your heart, you'll miss it. If your heart is stone, you won't see it. Love breathed life into my soul, but it put me at the greatest risk, because I've given my heart to so many, I could fear there will be nothing left. Love is the greatest emptier, but it's also the greatest filler. I've poured it on so many people, but I've gotten so much in return. I didn't know a little child who didn't speak my language could give me so much love. Or an old woman with tumors on her face could hug me and put me in the place of Love, but she did. Love has the potential to hurt, Love holds the ability to break you, and sever your heart in two. Love can leave you with wounds that lay open for a long time, hurts that have been rubbed raw. But at the same time, Love is the most healing of places, and it is worth every single jagged breath I breathe.
Because love is raw and dangerous, but Love is the most adventurous, the most fulfilling. And I will choose love with every step.