To win the lottery..

The question has been posed, "what would you do with $1,300,000,000?"

My first thought is travel. Hop on a plane, take a few friends and travel the world. Ride elephants in India, travel the streets of China, go into the mountains of unreached people groups and tell them about Jesus. I would visit the Aztec ruins and swim in the Dead Sea. I would lay under the stars in the Australian outback and see the majesty of God's creation. I would go scuba diving and lounge on beaches for hours. 

My second thought is a car. It would be nice to have a car that I would be confident that it would get me from point A to point B without something terrible breaking. It would also be nice to have automatic windows and locks. 

Then I would buy myself a nice house and pay off my family's debts and buy all the things needed for luxury. 

But I wonder, would God be glorified?

I win a billion dollars and I never have to need again. My need for reliance on God's provision has been thieved. 
I win a billion dollars and I never have to want again. All my cravings for new things will always be filled. How easy would it be to fill an account and swipe that credit card over and over again without fear of debt?

And if I could do whatever I want, would I leave the very center of God's will? Sure I could travel and fill my hearts desires, I could never work again and do anything, but would it be God's call on my life?

I was talking about the lottery with a friend from work and I told him I would still pursue my degree in counseling. He was baffled, why would I pursue my degree if I could be financially stable for the rest of my life?

There lies the question.

If I had no 'physical' need for God, if I could have anything I want, would I still serve him? His value is so much deeper then I will ever understand. He is infinite and wonderful and true.

I don't want to win the lottery. I don't want $1,000,000,000. Because I'm pretty sure if I had that much money, I would forget my need for God. If I had that much stability, I wouldn't rely on God to provide for me. If I had that much money, the temptation to do whatever I wanted might be greater then my fear of the Lord.

As difficult as it is to rely on God from one paycheck to the next for my college bills and gas and car payments, its more fulfilling and I am growing to know his character more and more every day.
As wonderful as it would be to do whatever I want, it wouldn't be in the center of God's will, I wouldn't be serving God to my greatest potential.

So, I don't want to win the lottery, I want to win Jesus. I don't want to fall for money, I want to fall in love with Jesus every day. I don't want my life to be dictated by the chains of money, I want my life to be found in the freedom offered in Christ.
I would choose being physically poor over being spiritually deprived any day.

What would you do with $1,300,000,000?

The False Condemnation of Doubt

John had hit rock bottom. He was in a dark prison cell, awaiting his execution and he was questioning everything he had known. The prophet that had declared the way for Jesus had doubt. And not just a sliver of doubt, there was enough to talk to Jesus himself about his doubt. Was this really the Son of God? Had he wasted his entire life preparing the way for someone who wasn't even God? A dark prison can do that to you, cause you to question the very ground you stand on.

He sent word to Jesus. "Are you the one who is to come, or shall we look for another?" As he sat in his prison cell, probably wondering if Jesus would disown him for being so blasphemous as to ask him if he were truly the Savior, Jesus received the question. 

No anger burst forth, no words of horror, as he realized his own prophet doubted the validity of everything he said.

Jesus is gentle in everything he does and everything he says. He turns from John's disciples and does the spectacular. He restored blind men's sight, he healed people of their sicknesses and diseases and cast out demons. He did nothing new. Only what he always did: Love.

He turned back to John's disciples and said to them, "Go and tell John what you have seen and heard: the blind receive their sight, the lame walk, lepers are cleansed, and the deaf hear, the dead are raised up, the poor have good news preached to them. And blessed is the one who is not offended by me."

How gentle he was in his words, He told John nothing new, only the truth. He did not condemn John for wondering again, if this truly was the Son of God. He only confirmed John, and encouraged him.
After the disciples left, Jesus turned to the people and told them, "I tell you, among those born of women none is greater than John. Yet the one who is least in the kingdom of God is greater then He."

He did not turn and say, "John, the doubter, he means little in the Kingdom of God because he doubted." No, he built John up despite his doubt. Jesus saw John's humanity, his fear and his loneliness. Jesus did not condemn John, he only restored to him his faith.

I take comfort in this story. More often than not, I look to Jesus and I saw things like, "I know I saw you do great things in the past, I know you have changed my life in amazing ways, I know you are a God of miracles, but...
are you going to come through for me this time?"

I have been in John's shoes, I send messages to Jesus not directly telling him I'm doubting him, but boy, do I doubt him. I doubt He will heal, again. I doubt, He will love, more. I doubt, I doubt...

And it feels so condemning. I put myself in my own prison cell when I doubt, Jesus I deserve this dark cell, but can you answer me just one more thing, Are you truly who you say you are?

He does not abandon me, He does not forsake my heart, He only does what He always does, He continues to love, he continues to heal. He steps into my self-built dungeon of doubt and tragedy, lifts up my head and says, "I still love you in your doubts." He takes my hand and sets my captive heart free to believe again. He liberates me to trust him again.

Doubt isn't always bad because Jesus shows me his heart. He reveals to me that He is still good, and his character is still true. In my faithlessness, he remains faithful. His promises are always true.

"If we have died with him, we will also live with him;

if we endure, we will also reign with him;

if we deny him, he also will deny us;

if we are faithless, he remains faithful-

for he cannot deny himself."

2 Timothy 2:11-13

 

4 verses for 2015.

525,600 Minutes. What goes into a year?
 Is it the moments that take our breath away?
Is it the laughter with friends?

Is it the breath-taking beauty of nature?

How is it that when we peel back the memories and the scaly skin of time, we discover true love and beauty in the midst of the hurts and the pain?
Where in the midst of a year do we find meaning?

This year was slower in the adventures. I didn't get any new stamps in my passport, but it was an adventure of the heart. I played with children all day with the best job a girl could ask for. I traveled to the foreign land of Arkansas, I flew on a plane for the first time all by myself. I applied to college and completed my first semester at college. I bought my first car. And most importantly God, changed my heart. At the end of this year I hope I can say, I'm a little more sanctified and a little more filled with Jesus.

4 Important verses for 2015.

The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. Lamentations 3:35
Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! Psalm 27:14
At the start of this year, there was no direction in my life. I didn't know what I was doing and I had no idea where I would be at the end of this year. My heart's desire was to be a missionary somewhere. But that was not God's plan. I am amazed at the lessons I learned in waiting. Some days the waiting was so much I was scared I might let go of God, my faith. It was on those days that God was good to me, and spoke to my restless heart. And Lamentations is right, the Lord IS good to those who wait for him. He was good to me. In his timing, in his way he spoke to me about my future.

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 27:4
Oh my, do I understand this verse now. The desires of my heart at the beginning of this year were much different then they are now. This verse does not say, "Tell the Lord your desires and then delight in the manifestation of them." It says FIRST and foremost, Delight yourself in the Lord. This year, I learned what it means to delight yourself in the Lord. Even when it's hard, even when you want to let go and give up. Even when you don't see what He is doing. And then he will give you the desires of your heart. The thing is though, that when you delight yourself in Him, He has a way of changing your desires for his glory. The beginning of the year, I wanted desperately to be a missionary with YWAM fulltime. After I learned to give Him my whole life, my desires shifted as he sifted through my heart.


Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:16
There are gifts that are too deep for words. Gifts that God gives us when we don't even ask, but He knows we need. Gifts that we aren't even looking for, and suddenly we don't know what we would do without. My need was a soul friend. My need was a friend who would understand me here in Lancaster. And God provided a friend for me, for this year, who flipped the loneliness I was feeling upside down. I am grateful for that gift of the Lord and how he sees even the needs I am completely unaware of.


 He who calls you is faithful, He will surely do it. 1 Thessalonians 5:24
Finally, God showed me his faithfulness repeatedly. He provided me a car when mine gave up. He provided me adventure when my heart couldn't take anymore mundane. He is continually providing money for me to go to college. I have a lot of dreams for 2016 and along with the dreams, a lot of worries.. But He has called me. And HE IS FAITHFUL.

So what goes into a year?
It is the daily adventure of following Jesus wherever he takes me. From nannying to college. From Arkansas to Kentucky. From youth group to Starbucks. The moments that make up a year are filled with the people that touch our lives and we touch in return. The beauty that is bottled up in a sand timer is wonderful and dreadful, but so worth it.
As I step uncertainly into another year, I am confident only in the fact that the ground I am stepping on is steady because Jesus is holding my hand. Wherever I go, whatever I face, He is right here by my side. And for that I am forever grateful.

we have seen a great light.

"The People who walked in Darkness have seen a great light."

Isaiah 9:2

The shepherds are the first, most obvious recipients of this promise. Night after night, these shephereds ritualistically watched the sheep. Nothing exciting ever happened, except for an predator scare every once in a while, or on the rare night they saw a shooting star. But one night, these people who walked in darkness saw a great light. An angel of the Lord appeared to them and told them the good news of the birth of their Savior. 

How wonderful!

How marvelous! 

They immediately leapt to their feet, forgetting the sheep, forgetting their responsiblilites, only thinking of how their lives were about to change. 

Mary and Joseph were also recipients of this promise. We fail to think of them in that capacity. The unsuspecting virgin, we often equate her to a clueless teenage girl, but I believe this girl had the most courageous faith. Her faith caused her to find favor with God and carry his son for 9 months. This is not a task given to just anyone. Joseph, a simple carpenter, about to become father also was filled with faith. He had to trust God unconditionally that Mary was telling the truth. He believed God enough to disregard the opinions of everyone around him who thought Mary was breaking the Law. She should be stoned to death. 

But when this gentle, courageous mother, met eyes with her Son for the first time, she saw a great light. When this quiet, faithful father held his Son for the first time, He saw a great light.

We are recipients of this promise. If it wasn't for that Baby where would I be? That baby grew up to be the wonderful counselor, prince of peace, almighty God, and our everlasting Father. 

Without that baby I would still be buried in a graveyard of my sin. Without that baby I would still be separated from God by a deep cavern called Hell. Without that birth on a quiet night, in a small stable in Bethlehem, I would be lost, isolated and alone. Without that Child, who would grow up to be the greatest Man who ever walked this earth, my life would be meaningless. Without that Man, who lived a perfect, sinless life, and sacrificed himself on a cross to appease the wrath of God, I would have no righteousness before God himself. And if that man did not rise again three days later, I would not be alive again. Without that baby, there would be no wonderful counselor, there would be no prince of peace, there would be no everlasting father. 

Without that baby, who is Christ the Lord, this life is not worth it. 

All my hope boils down to one thing: Jesus Christ. From the simple complexity of his birth to the humility of his death, my hope weighs on Jesus. Because of Him I see how I have walked in darkness. And now I see a great light. How grateful I am.

How marvelous.

How wonderful. 

I'm thankful for his birth. I'm thankful for his death. I'm thankful for the time in between. 

1 Corinthians 6:15-16

He who is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone has immortality, who dwells in unnaproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see. To him be honor and eternal dominion. Amen. 

come and see what God has done.

Writer's block has plagued me hard within the past few weeks. The words haven't flowed. I wanted to find all the right words to express my many emotions this Christmas season, but I am struck with the simplicity of the Gospel. My poem, Come and see what God has done, is inspired by Lauren Daigel's new song Noel. Click the link below to listen.

Lauren Daigel - Noel

A baby,

swaddled in cloths,

sleeping on hay.

This boy: the greatest gift,

given to a courageous mother,

a simple father,

to us.

How can this be?

This baby, 

answers prophecies of old.

This child, 

hope incarnate. 

This tiny one,

with love radiating from his infant face,

will shake history. 

To the lost,

he will guide.

To the lonely,

he will comfort.

To the broken,

He will mend.

To the sick,

He will heal.

To the dead,

He will raise.

To the empty,

He will fill.

To the sinful, 

he will clean.

How can this be?

come and see what God has done,

Hope is ALIVE.

Hope is HERE.

Hope is lying in a manger.

Love is wrapped in swaddled cloths.

Peace is looking a virgin mother in the eye.

come and see what God has done,

this baby is called

Wonderful Counselor,

Mighty God,

Everlasting Father,

Prince of Peace,

Immanuel.

come and see what God has done,

Jesus is his name,

God is with us.

Isaiah 7:14, 9:6

Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign. Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a Son, and shall call His name Immanuel. For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be on his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. 

Supernova

Supernova

My heart races at the speed of light.

My thoughts swirl in my head lacking in sense.

Words flow out of my mouth missing vocabulary.

My restlessness is chaos.

Winter air falls gently over the land.

Promising snow, promising peace.

Brisk air envelopes me in tranquility.

The lights of Christmas,

the joy of the season gives rest.

The promises are shalom.

My discontent is creating a gossip out of me.

Bitterness is planted as a seed in my heart.

Questions of God's goodness and love

grow like weeds in me.

Something must change.

"Be still," He says. "Listen to me," He whispers.

His hand that holds the entirety of the universe

touches my heart and I can breathe.

His heart that loves unconditionally stops

this anarchy in my mind.

The paradox of this curious reality

is that I am mess

and You are order.

When I spin like a tornado,

bringing destruction to everything in my wake,

You are.

A peace that silences the questions,

calms the storm

and breaks the disillusions.

This collision of peaceful serenity

and my restless soul is creating a supernova.

Because when chaos meets harmony,

and love meets apathy,

fears are stilled,

restlessness replaced with content.

I am chaos,

You are harmony.

Silence my fears,

still my restlessness. 

Content my heart. 

Love Earnestly

I had done the unthinkable. I was touching the untouchable. And she smiled.
In that moment there were no cultural differences. It did not matter who she was, or where she had come from, it only mattered that she was loved.

We had just ended our church service in a small brick room in India. I looked around and my team members were talking to and praying with the congregants. As my eyes swept across the room, they almost passed a tiny little old lady in a red Sari. I was compelled to go to her.
I sat down next to her on the hard floor without a translator. 
This small woman immediately started speaking in Tamil. As I listened, she touched her hands and her arms and her legs and her face.
She had tumors all over her body. I don't know if that qualified her as a leper, or if it just made the people not come near, but she was lonely and unloved.
As she spoke, she took my hand and placed it to her face. I whispered one of the few Indian words I knew, "Alagou." -- "You are beautiful." I continued to brush my fingers along her bumpy legs and arms. She pulled her Sari above her knees and showed me more. 
When I finally got a translator to come to me, I shared with her the story of the woman who touched Jesus' garment and was healed. I told her that Jesus saw her as valuable and important. She pulled me close for a hug and didn't let go. 



Recently, I haven't been able to get the memory out of my head. A prayer I don't understand has been swelling in my heart.
The world right now is in chaos. And by some beautiful act of God, the world is coming to our doorsteps. And maybe I'm just another voice to fall silent on the conversation of refugees and borders.
But I want the refugees to come. If I can't go to them, because of closed doors and life circumstance, maybe they will come to us. Maybe God has finally had enough of our excuses to not go to these unreached people groups and He brought them to us.
How beautiful is that? How wonderful is He?

When I was given the opportunity to love this women, it did not cross my mind that maybe she was alone for a reason, maybe she was a leper, maybe her disease was contagious. In the same way, we ought not to be afraid of the people fleeing terror. We need only love.
My hope and my prayer is that when I meet a refugee, I won't be fearful, instead I will give them all my love as Jesus did. I pray that as a Christian, I will faithfully live up to the call of Christ, to love the orphans, care for the widows, touch the untouchables.
Sure, they are different.
Sure, they see the world differently then me.
Sure, I do not understand the pain they have endured.
But I have Jesus.

And if he is going to bring these people to us, then let Him be Sovereign.
Who am I to question God and beg him not to bring His image to us? Who am I to tell God, this will put me in danger? Who am I when Jesus says, "pray for those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse."
I wonder, are we blessing?
or are we cursing?
We have been blessed, has it been enough for us to learn how to give it in return?

This is not a matter of politics, it is a matter of the heart. If you afraid, tell the Lord. If you are withholding due to selfishness, confess. Then thank the Lord for this beautiful opportunity to give the Gospel to the world in your own backyard.

1 Peter 4:7-13
"The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self controlled and sober minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves as one who serves by the strength that God supplies - in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To Him belong glory and dominion forever. Amen.
Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed."