Love, Raw and Dangerous

I didn't know that India would capture my heart the way it did. I don't think it was the place, it wasn't the glorious landscape or the mounds of rice that stole my heart. No, it wasn't the trash or the poverty. It couldn't have been that. What was it about this place that stole my heart? I think it was the eyes that were tunnels that led straight to the depths of their souls. It was the heartbreak and repetition written on every woman's face. It was the confusion mixed with desperation and joy when a child felt something different from us.

It wasn't because we were white, yes, that brought them close, but what allowed us into their hearts for just a moment was Jesus. We were glowing, not just our skin, our hearts. They could see it in our eyes and they wanted it. And that was love. It was that one thing, that one raw and dangerous emotion that tied my heart to the country of India.

 An overabundant, never-ending fountain of love. It started in the morning as I spent time with Jesus as he whispered it across my soul. Showing me exactly what my heart needed, rescuing my from pride that could so easily step in. He whispered the words so often early in my trip, "Stay soft, Leah." Preparing my heart for the outpouring of this love. Giving me my sustenance, my joy, my peace, to sustain me.  But it didn't end there, because throughout the day, I just felt this overwhelming urge to tell these people, these children about the love that I know so personally. It wasn't just words, it was real. "Jesus loves you so much," was a truth they had to know. I needed them to understand. In those moments, I felt Jesus' heart for them. How he undoubtedly loved them, How he was pursuing them through the strangest of instruments, me. He orchestrated this moment in time in the most beautiful of ways. His Love flowed through me that gave me a capacity to love. And I never ran out, it was endless. Psalm 92:2 was so real. It is good... to declare your steadfast love in the morning and your faithfulness by night."
The morning I knew his love and by the end of the day the only words I could express were words of gratitude. I sat on the roof many nights with my friend, Liz, and said, "God is so faithful."

I remember holding a little girl in my arms as we walked through the village. The look on her face was confused. She hadn't known this. But she was reveling in it. When she was just walking beside me she had been excited, jumping up and down, but now, she was peaceful, soaking in something different, something that resonated with her heart. Her eyes that led to her soul showed me a glimmer of gratitude because for the first time, she knew what it meant to be held, to be loved.

So how did a home so different from my own take my heart? It was Love Himself.
It's the same with Camp Yolijwa and Cherokee, North Carolina.
They are both places I learned to give love, places I felt my Savior so strongly, that my heart was stolen, captured.
Maybe it's not the places that have a hold on my heart, although I left pieces of my heart behind in those beautiful places, but it's Jesus.

And I have come to the conclusion, Love is a raw and dangerous place to be. Love is hard and can sometimes break your heart. But if you close your heart, you'll miss it. If your heart is stone, you won't see it. Love breathed life into my soul, but it put me at the greatest risk, because I've given my heart to so many, I could fear there will be nothing left. Love is the greatest emptier, but it's also the greatest filler. I've poured it on so many people, but I've gotten so much in return. I didn't know a little child who didn't speak my language could give me so much love. Or an old woman with tumors on her face could hug me and put me in the place of Love, but she did. Love has the potential to hurt, Love holds the ability to break you, and sever your heart in two. Love can leave you with wounds that lay open for a long time, hurts that have been rubbed raw. But at the same time, Love is the most healing of places, and it is worth every single jagged breath I breathe.
Because love is raw and dangerous, but Love is the most adventurous, the most fulfilling. And I will choose love with every step.

My God is Faithful

I sit to write this blog that I've been trying to write for about 2 weeks now and I am at a loss of words for how to describe my past five months. So many words float in my head, but none quite fit this indescribable feeling. None of the words would begin to explain how credulously alive I have become. How my finiteness compared to my Creator's infinity has put me in awe. I could say how India taught me so much about myself, but that would pale in comparison to how much it taught me about my Savior, my Friend and my Jesus.

My God is so Faithful.

Those are the only words that even begin to come close. He is so wonderfully, beautifully, and incredibly faithful. His love is so captivating, He has stolen my heart and I'm never going back to what once was.
5 months ago I drove to Louisville, Kentucky with absolutely no idea what I was getting into. I jumped into a lake and had not a clue where the bottom was or what was in the water. I followed God's leading and have been brought to the most glorious place.
5 months ago the Lord took my heart on a journey. A journey I'm still on and one I pray will never end. It has been hard but oh, it has been so beautiful and exciting.
He took this heart and healed it. From my beginning, all I ever wanted to do with my life was help people, love on people. And he has taught me how. He healed the broken places of my heart I never wanted anyone to see. He held me as I expressed every emotion that had been pent-up for years. Sometimes I yelled and got really angry. Sometimes I cried. But oh, how faithful He was. He showed me freedom. He showed me a love deeper than I had ever felt. He plunged into the depths with me. I love going deep. Deep into the ocean and deep into hearts. And now I'm free, now I'm captured by a love that holds me in the sweetest of chains.
India taught me how to love, whether it was holding a woman who just needed to cry into someone's arms as she felt a glimpse of the love of her Savior, or it was holding a little girls hand saying, "I know what it's like to lose a mommy too." Or maybe it was standing across from a girl who knew the love of Jesus but everyone around her didn't, and she didn't know how to keep on going by herself. India taught me that sometimes I can't fix things. Sometimes I can't hold things together, but I can be Jesus' hands and feet to the needy. I can sit in a dark-lit room or sit in the dirt with children and just be the person they need me to be, Jesus. Or I can play with orphans who never knew a parent's love or don't understand what happened to their parents, and I can give them love, but they give me so much more. How is that?
How is it that I went to India to tell them about Jesus, a place that worships 300 million other gods, yet they taught me so much more about Jesus? How does that happen? It's because His heart is for humanity. It's for me, It's for the women that couldn't quite see that the baby in her arms was God's faithfulness to her, when she had prayed to him as a last resort and he had provided a baby after 8 years of praying to false gods. It was for Sweta. It was for Pandireyvadi, and for Keithana and Pavithat and Ama. It was for every single Indian I came into contact with and remember their face but not their name. It was for every one who had a story and I had a privilege to listen to. His love is so deep and so wide. His heart is so big, so strong and so mighty there is nothing He cannot do.
He is the God who has left his trace all over humanity.
He is my God who doesn't just say, "Leah, trust me." He is my God who has shown me why I should trust him. He has proved his faithfulness to me again and again. Over and Underneath, in every single place I might have had an ounce of doubt, it has been obliterated, because I have seen the love and faithfulness of my Jesus and I am never going back. I will choose to follow my Jesus who has become my everything wherever He wants to take me. Because He is faithful and my heart is His.

And now you may ask what is next for me? I'll be in Lancaster for about a month to fundraise and hang out with friends and family, then I'll be returning to Louisville for the secondary school. It is the School of Ministry Development. I will study leadership and develop my calling and my passions. And then this summer I will go on another outreach!