The Truth is Who He is

I had a revelation this morning that sums up my week.
If I can't believe that God loves me, my Faith becomes selfish, needy and desperate. It becomes too much about me. But if I can fully understand and grasp his love for me, I'll understand that the glory is all about Him and I can love others more deeply.
The words of insecurity never actually come from my mouth, but sometimes I wonder, "If God loves me, why and how much?' But if I'm constantly searching, desperately yearning for answers and truth I already have, it drains me. It releases from me truth and insecurity. It takes my heart that is shrouded in truth and allows lies to seep inside. And suddenly, it's about me. Suddenly, I'm so blinded by what I need that the needs of others don't seem important. They seem petty and I get irritated by the little things that people do, when instead I should care deeply and love much.
But truth is spoken over my life, and just imagine it. Jesus, the son of God himself, comes to you, takes a hold of your hand looks deep in your eyes and says, "I love you."
Everything changes. Because no longer is it about the insecurities. When your in the presence of God, all fears and doubts are cast away.
 When your so close he's holding your hand,
For the first time again,
it's real.
When you meet True Love face to face,
there's no denying it.
You are loved.
When you are His embrace,
there's no shame,
you are accepted.
When you glimpse His love for you,
there's no stopping it,
You're on fire.
In confidence, you can walk freely and it's no longer about you.
Suddenly, its about Him. Suddenly because he loves me I am free to love. I want to love deeply and give everything. And because I know who He is, I know who I am. It's no longer about myself because I'm assured and confident. When I know His love for me, it's about giving him the glory. And that is the place that I want to be.
This week, I got  a dose of how closely I edged to the cliff of narcissism in not believing God when he says, "I love you." Period. No ifs or buts. Just, "Leah, I love you." And I'm enthralled when he says my name. I'm enraptured by Who he is. 
Be confident in the identity that has been bought for you on the cross. Believe it. Speak it. Ask God to speak life over you, He will. All you must do is believe him. Don't desperately try and chase after an unachievable goal of searching for love when it's been freely given to you.
I choose belief. I choose truth, because the lies are snakes around my neck trying to kill me and I will no longer give them that role. It's no longer about who I am, it's about who my Father in heaven is.
I choose life.
John 10:10 I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Surrender

Fighting against the beauty of surrender is a hopeless battle.
Unsatisfied, I forge ahead, letting my imagination fill in the details I have not yet been told. 
I hold in white-knuckled fingers a reality I have no control over.
I lose feeling, it's mine. How can I let go?
My fingers loosen their death grip. "What if," wars within my mind.
My Father looks down, gently touches my hands and whispers, "Let go."
My heart is ready, freedom knocks at the door. Yet I want to go. I want to think of every possible solution I can conjure up and run. Control is an enemy I have danced with for far too long.
Let go is freedom. Surrender will banish fear. But he is another dangerous companion I've allowed access to my heart for longer than necessary.
And the freedom I have felt, the Love I have tasted, I want more.
I want surrender to my Savior more than I could ever want the unfaithful partners of Control and Fear.
An ever faithful Love, holds my fighting heart. He calls me forward to the place I fear. 
So I will let go of this flimsy branch which is a mirage of safety
and trust
Trust is where I get caught. Trust is the place my companion of fear screams "DANGER" in my ear.
But trust is this: an assured reliance on the character, ability, strength or truth of someone.
The character, the ability, the strength and the truth.
"Do you trust me?" The Spirit dances words across my heart.
"Leah, Do you trust me?"
Do I trust Him? Do I believe in his character, his strength, the truth of His words?

What if..

But I know God and "What if.." doesn't seem so important anymore. What if seems meaningless in the Light of who I know my God to be. What if fades away because I know his character.
I believe He is strong enough to defeat the enemies of Fear and Control. I believe He is faithful, loving and trustworthy.
This I believe
I let go.
Momentarily falling, in the clutches of gravity, a force that will drag me down.
"Look up." I'll keep my eyes on Jesus and trust that He will catch me.
And even if he doesn't,
The future holds no more fear. Because the present is ever before me.
I have a faithful Love who is not safe, but He is good. I have a faithful Friend who doesn't allow comfort but invites me to adventure. I have a beautiful Jesus whose blood was shed so I could be free. And I have a Father who doesn't force me to step on my own, but walks in front and I will follow. I will walk on his feet. As he dances with me to the music created in the symphony of our love.
I will obey because I love Him. I love Him because I know Him.
"Do you trust Me?"
I do, I trust my Savior.