The prayer was true and loud and meaningful.
"I give you everything. I surrender all. You can have all of me for what you want me to do and where you want me to go."
The prayer was rich. I had no idea where it would take me, but I meant it with everything inside of me.
But whatever gain I had... My dreams. Money. Friends. Jobs. Family. Everything that makes me, me. Everything that has defined me and drawn me to this moment.
I count as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I count these things as loss? These things that are so difficult to let go of, I count as loss. These things that in the eyes of the world mean everything, I count as loss. All these dreams I have to go and change the world and travel the nations and love deeply. I count as loss. All this money I have saved and put away, I count as loss. The place itself that taught me to count it all as loss, I count as loss for the sake of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.
For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him.
He has asked of me something that comes as a huge sacrifice; my dream.
For me, it was so easy to lay down everything to go to the mission field. It came naturally, traveling to foreign places, eating disgusting things, unaware of the definition of home. It was natural. It was what I loved. Sitting in trash with orphans, laughing and playing with children who didn't know what love even meant. This was where my heart was at. This is what my heart was made for.
indeed I count everything as loss because of the worth of Jesus.
Do I count these things as loss? It is the biggest loss, the rip between my heart and another. The sacrifice of relationship is huge for me. It leaves gaping wounds and hurts I don't want to confront. Deep and beautiful friendships where our hearts are knit at the soul, how can I let go?
i count as loss for the sake of Christ.
Now, my friends are scattered around the world. The friends I served with, the ones who helped heal my broken heart, the ones I've prayed with and allowed into the depths of my soul. These friends who have walked beside me and showed me my passions and taught me what it means to be free.
These friends, I release.
I read a quote yesterday that perfectly described the missionary life: "your life is more full of hello's, I love you's, and goodbyes than any other life I cant think of right now. It would be easier if it was the first and the last but the I love you's make the last a dagger every time." That was something I was willing to count as loss for the Lord. But now He was asking me to give it to Him for longer than I could see.
For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith, that I may know him and the power of his resurrection and may share his sufferings becoming like him in his death that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.
I count it loss so I may gain Him. Nothing is mine. My dreams do not belong to me, my money is not mine, it is all His. I prayed that prayer where I gave it all to Him. I gave Him my obedience.
And now, the obedience looks like turning away from all I've ever desired. For the moment, turning away from the missionary life. My tiny moment in the missionary life planted passions in me that I cannot run from. It gave me passions for seeing people come alive and for showing people how to heal. I know my passions now. And Jesus, my beautiful Lover, looks at me in all His goodness and asks me a question I am inadequate to answer, "Do you trust me?" It takes me so much longer then it should to answer Him.
Do I trust Him?
Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.
He has made me His. I press on to make this one fact true: I trust Jesus unconditionally. I press on because He has made me belong to Him. This fact alone leads me to obedience. He loves me so greatly, how can I give him anything less? No matter how long it takes, he can have my whole heart.
I will choose to follow Him anywhere. He has called me to college, which seems to me a place that is exactly opposite of everything I want to be. How can I show people how to come alive? How can I teach people about healing and freedom?
His voice speaks over my worry, "Leah, I am going to continue to make you come alive so you can show others how to come alive."
I understand. Coming alive isn't a once and done action. It is something I will continually get to experience forever. So much life will keep blossoming. I will enter into another season of coming alive so I can better equip others. This season is about to blossom me so I can fully give everything you want me to give.
I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
I will forget what lies behind. I will not long for the past and the wondrous works God did back then. I will keep my feet firmly planted in the here and now. I will set my eyes on Jesus and all other things will grow strangely dim. All other things will fall out of my view.
Count the cost, follow Jesus. It's different for us all. For you, it might be sacrificing comfort, money and stability to give so others can go. It might be sacrificing those things so you can go.
It might be overcoming your fear of being seen and being a voice for the voiceless. Maybe you're like me, maybe counting the cost and following Jesus is doing exactly what He wants you to do. Maybe it's leaving the mission field for a while so He can shape you and grow so your work will be more fulfilled. I don't know what it is for you. But I encourage to follow Jesus with every step. He is good and He has every best intention for your heart. He is calling you. Count it all as loss so that you can know Christ Jesus, the One who has made you His own.
"I give you everything. I surrender all. You can have all of me for what you want me to do and where you want me to go."
The prayer was rich. I had no idea where it would take me, but I meant it with everything inside of me.
But whatever gain I had... My dreams. Money. Friends. Jobs. Family. Everything that makes me, me. Everything that has defined me and drawn me to this moment.
I count as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I count these things as loss? These things that are so difficult to let go of, I count as loss. These things that in the eyes of the world mean everything, I count as loss. All these dreams I have to go and change the world and travel the nations and love deeply. I count as loss. All this money I have saved and put away, I count as loss. The place itself that taught me to count it all as loss, I count as loss for the sake of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.
For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him.
He has asked of me something that comes as a huge sacrifice; my dream.
For me, it was so easy to lay down everything to go to the mission field. It came naturally, traveling to foreign places, eating disgusting things, unaware of the definition of home. It was natural. It was what I loved. Sitting in trash with orphans, laughing and playing with children who didn't know what love even meant. This was where my heart was at. This is what my heart was made for.
indeed I count everything as loss because of the worth of Jesus.
Do I count these things as loss? It is the biggest loss, the rip between my heart and another. The sacrifice of relationship is huge for me. It leaves gaping wounds and hurts I don't want to confront. Deep and beautiful friendships where our hearts are knit at the soul, how can I let go?
i count as loss for the sake of Christ.
Now, my friends are scattered around the world. The friends I served with, the ones who helped heal my broken heart, the ones I've prayed with and allowed into the depths of my soul. These friends who have walked beside me and showed me my passions and taught me what it means to be free.
These friends, I release.
I read a quote yesterday that perfectly described the missionary life: "your life is more full of hello's, I love you's, and goodbyes than any other life I cant think of right now. It would be easier if it was the first and the last but the I love you's make the last a dagger every time." That was something I was willing to count as loss for the Lord. But now He was asking me to give it to Him for longer than I could see.
For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith, that I may know him and the power of his resurrection and may share his sufferings becoming like him in his death that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.
I count it loss so I may gain Him. Nothing is mine. My dreams do not belong to me, my money is not mine, it is all His. I prayed that prayer where I gave it all to Him. I gave Him my obedience.
And now, the obedience looks like turning away from all I've ever desired. For the moment, turning away from the missionary life. My tiny moment in the missionary life planted passions in me that I cannot run from. It gave me passions for seeing people come alive and for showing people how to heal. I know my passions now. And Jesus, my beautiful Lover, looks at me in all His goodness and asks me a question I am inadequate to answer, "Do you trust me?" It takes me so much longer then it should to answer Him.
Do I trust Him?
Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.
He has made me His. I press on to make this one fact true: I trust Jesus unconditionally. I press on because He has made me belong to Him. This fact alone leads me to obedience. He loves me so greatly, how can I give him anything less? No matter how long it takes, he can have my whole heart.
I will choose to follow Him anywhere. He has called me to college, which seems to me a place that is exactly opposite of everything I want to be. How can I show people how to come alive? How can I teach people about healing and freedom?
His voice speaks over my worry, "Leah, I am going to continue to make you come alive so you can show others how to come alive."
I understand. Coming alive isn't a once and done action. It is something I will continually get to experience forever. So much life will keep blossoming. I will enter into another season of coming alive so I can better equip others. This season is about to blossom me so I can fully give everything you want me to give.
I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
I will forget what lies behind. I will not long for the past and the wondrous works God did back then. I will keep my feet firmly planted in the here and now. I will set my eyes on Jesus and all other things will grow strangely dim. All other things will fall out of my view.
Count the cost, follow Jesus. It's different for us all. For you, it might be sacrificing comfort, money and stability to give so others can go. It might be sacrificing those things so you can go.
It might be overcoming your fear of being seen and being a voice for the voiceless. Maybe you're like me, maybe counting the cost and following Jesus is doing exactly what He wants you to do. Maybe it's leaving the mission field for a while so He can shape you and grow so your work will be more fulfilled. I don't know what it is for you. But I encourage to follow Jesus with every step. He is good and He has every best intention for your heart. He is calling you. Count it all as loss so that you can know Christ Jesus, the One who has made you His own.
