places of abundance.

Shout for joy to God, all the earth;

sing for the glory of his name;

give to him glorious praise!

Give to God glorious praise. He is deserving of my worship and of my glorious praise. He is worth all of the crowns and all of the glory and all of the hurts and all of the sorrows and fears.

 

Come and see what God has done;

he is awesome in his deeds toward the children of man.

He is awesome in his deeds. Come and see what my God has done. David, your praise that you lavish upon our Lord, sometimes puts me at loss. David, I long for what you have. I long for the reckless abandon for the Lord that you have.

 

For you O God, have tested us;

You have tried us as silver is tried.

You brought us into the net;

you laid a crushing burden on our backs;

you let men ride over our heads,

we went through fire and through water;

yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance.

You have tested me. I walked through the fires of affliction, unscathed. I have doggy paddled through high waters. I did not drown. I felt weak with burdens upon my shoulders, but you carried them. As silver is tried, you tried me, so that the steadfastness of my faith would be proven. The waters were deep, the fire was heat I've never known.

 

and yet,

 

yet,

 

you have brought us out to a place of abundance.

 

 yet,

 

he has brought me into an abundant place.

 

no, it isn't always sunny. yes, sometimes the snow swirls intensely and it is cold and there is a blizzard raging around my heart. But there is so much beauty because I see Him within the blizzard. He is the snow that falls gently, just as he is the sun that melts slowly. He is good to me. Because the place of abundance is not my circumstance, it is my relationship with him that keeps me steady. This abundant place is not financial security, peaceful relationships or my car running well. This abundant place is the adventure I get to embark on in knowing the Lord. It is the trust I place in the One who has always been faithful. It is the love I have for the One that I still have yet to see. It is the immense grace He gives me day after day to follow His call on my life. This abundant place is right next to Jesus.

 

David, I understand. I understand your praise to the One who was your abundant place in the midst of persecution and hardship. You praise the Lord not because men are at your every side seeking your death, not because you are sleeping in caves but because the Lord has given you grace and love and stability to keep on persevering. David, you took your eyes off of the world and saw God and everything else grew strangely dim. I am learning.

 

 Come and fear, all you who fear God, 

and I will tell you what He has done for my soul. 

I cried to him with my mouth,

and high praise was on my tongue.

If I had cherished iniquity in my heart,

the Lord would not have listened.

But truly God has listened,

he has attended to the voice of my prayer.

Blessed be God,

because he has not rejected my prayer

or removed his steadfast love from me!

*passages from Psalm 66

king of my heart.

From external appearances, things were perfect.
Internally, my heart is a battle ground. Jesus, in all his splendor, tells me he is faithful and true. Control grabs at my heart telling me I'm the only one that maintains it well.
Comfort tells me I deserve more then what I am given.
My desires quickly turn into rights, which leaves me hopelessly dissatisfied.
And Jesus faded away.
Because my eyes were on the prize and not on his face.
But things were fine. I was okay. 

The Spirit began his word of convicting as He always does
and we started to sing, "Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna in the Highest!"

As we sang praises to our Lord, I was assaulted with a vision of praise that took place 2,000 years before.

There was a large crowd of people, it was the heart of the city. The usual sounds of the city surrounded. Friends jubilantly greeting friends. Trades happening. A normal setting for a week before the annual celebration of Passover. 

Jesus borrowed a donkey and rode into the city. 
As the people saw him coming a peculiar state of worship washed over them. It was as if in that moment, many saw him for what he truly was. The King of the Jews, the Redeemer, The Savior. 
The moment must have been wonderful. As they turned from making daily food purchases, their hearts filled with gratitude and relief. The people threw off their cloaks to make a royal carpet for the King. They ran to the trees and took branches to lay at his feet. Words filled their mouths, "Hosanna to the son of David! Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord! Hosanna! Peace in heaven and glory in the highest."

Then I saw myself in the story, I was not one in the crowd. I was sitting on a throne. I had a crown on my head and I was in control.  I was basking in the rule of my own life. Then I heard the people singing, loudly and jubilantly. Why were they singing?

Then I saw him. In one moment, I saw his beauty and his splendor. I saw his perfect deeds and I saw his miracles. I remembered who He was in my life. Shame washed over me. I was wearing his crown. I was sitting on his throne. Immediately, I was face on the ground. I could not bear to look up at him. How could He accept me now? When I had deliberately stolen his glory? When I had seen two warring desires in my heart and chosen my desires for comfort and control instead of surrendered trust in Him. My knuckles were so white, holding so tightly onto things that never even belonged to me.
 
How often do I rob him of his Kingship, terrified that He won't act on my behalf? How often do I push Him off the throne that is rightfully His, claiming that I know best?
How many times has He looked at me with grace-filled eyes telling me He still loves him? Telling me I'm still His? Telling me I'm worth something. 

My King is a good, steadfast ruler. He sees beyond my demands for power as cries for help. Because hidden beneath our carefully constructed masks of control are pleas for mercy as everything we know to be true slips from our fingertips and we want someone bigger than ourselves to hold it tight. Hidden behind my pride that  makes me believe I'm something big, is a frightened child that isn't sure she's really worth anything.

Here I stand once again, clinging tightly to rights that don't even belong to me, and a crown that doesn't fit my head and I fall to my knees.

Because when I see Jesus riding through the crowds on a donkey as all the people shout "HOSANNA!" I cannot look up. The putrid stench of my sin is unbearable in his sight. This sin of autonomy and elevated pride has stood in the way once again. And I cannot bear to look up to His illuminating light. The dusty corners of my life are brought into light in His presence and my sin is too much for me to bear.

He comes though. And he looks me in the eye, and just his touch is burning away the shame in me. He sits on the throne that is rightfully his. As I wait for my punishment, I look up and only see everlasting forgiveness and a stunning love. 

In my trembling act of surrender, I met the Lord.
He is not a God who will settle to be my personal genie granting my every wish.
He is not a God who is distant and uncaring.
He is a jealous fire, who pursues relentlessly. In our whoring of other gods, he comes for our hearts.
He does not settle. He demands everything, my entire heart. He does not just want a room, he wants the whole house, even the dusty corners.
I've had enough of making Jesus my boyfriend because He is my Lord, King of my heart, and if I ever make him anything less, I am in the wrong.

Hosanna, Jesus is worthy of my praise. Hosanna in the highest! He is King of kings and Lord of lords.

To win the lottery..

The question has been posed, "what would you do with $1,300,000,000?"

My first thought is travel. Hop on a plane, take a few friends and travel the world. Ride elephants in India, travel the streets of China, go into the mountains of unreached people groups and tell them about Jesus. I would visit the Aztec ruins and swim in the Dead Sea. I would lay under the stars in the Australian outback and see the majesty of God's creation. I would go scuba diving and lounge on beaches for hours. 

My second thought is a car. It would be nice to have a car that I would be confident that it would get me from point A to point B without something terrible breaking. It would also be nice to have automatic windows and locks. 

Then I would buy myself a nice house and pay off my family's debts and buy all the things needed for luxury. 

But I wonder, would God be glorified?

I win a billion dollars and I never have to need again. My need for reliance on God's provision has been thieved. 
I win a billion dollars and I never have to want again. All my cravings for new things will always be filled. How easy would it be to fill an account and swipe that credit card over and over again without fear of debt?

And if I could do whatever I want, would I leave the very center of God's will? Sure I could travel and fill my hearts desires, I could never work again and do anything, but would it be God's call on my life?

I was talking about the lottery with a friend from work and I told him I would still pursue my degree in counseling. He was baffled, why would I pursue my degree if I could be financially stable for the rest of my life?

There lies the question.

If I had no 'physical' need for God, if I could have anything I want, would I still serve him? His value is so much deeper then I will ever understand. He is infinite and wonderful and true.

I don't want to win the lottery. I don't want $1,000,000,000. Because I'm pretty sure if I had that much money, I would forget my need for God. If I had that much stability, I wouldn't rely on God to provide for me. If I had that much money, the temptation to do whatever I wanted might be greater then my fear of the Lord.

As difficult as it is to rely on God from one paycheck to the next for my college bills and gas and car payments, its more fulfilling and I am growing to know his character more and more every day.
As wonderful as it would be to do whatever I want, it wouldn't be in the center of God's will, I wouldn't be serving God to my greatest potential.

So, I don't want to win the lottery, I want to win Jesus. I don't want to fall for money, I want to fall in love with Jesus every day. I don't want my life to be dictated by the chains of money, I want my life to be found in the freedom offered in Christ.
I would choose being physically poor over being spiritually deprived any day.

What would you do with $1,300,000,000?

The False Condemnation of Doubt

John had hit rock bottom. He was in a dark prison cell, awaiting his execution and he was questioning everything he had known. The prophet that had declared the way for Jesus had doubt. And not just a sliver of doubt, there was enough to talk to Jesus himself about his doubt. Was this really the Son of God? Had he wasted his entire life preparing the way for someone who wasn't even God? A dark prison can do that to you, cause you to question the very ground you stand on.

He sent word to Jesus. "Are you the one who is to come, or shall we look for another?" As he sat in his prison cell, probably wondering if Jesus would disown him for being so blasphemous as to ask him if he were truly the Savior, Jesus received the question. 

No anger burst forth, no words of horror, as he realized his own prophet doubted the validity of everything he said.

Jesus is gentle in everything he does and everything he says. He turns from John's disciples and does the spectacular. He restored blind men's sight, he healed people of their sicknesses and diseases and cast out demons. He did nothing new. Only what he always did: Love.

He turned back to John's disciples and said to them, "Go and tell John what you have seen and heard: the blind receive their sight, the lame walk, lepers are cleansed, and the deaf hear, the dead are raised up, the poor have good news preached to them. And blessed is the one who is not offended by me."

How gentle he was in his words, He told John nothing new, only the truth. He did not condemn John for wondering again, if this truly was the Son of God. He only confirmed John, and encouraged him.
After the disciples left, Jesus turned to the people and told them, "I tell you, among those born of women none is greater than John. Yet the one who is least in the kingdom of God is greater then He."

He did not turn and say, "John, the doubter, he means little in the Kingdom of God because he doubted." No, he built John up despite his doubt. Jesus saw John's humanity, his fear and his loneliness. Jesus did not condemn John, he only restored to him his faith.

I take comfort in this story. More often than not, I look to Jesus and I saw things like, "I know I saw you do great things in the past, I know you have changed my life in amazing ways, I know you are a God of miracles, but...
are you going to come through for me this time?"

I have been in John's shoes, I send messages to Jesus not directly telling him I'm doubting him, but boy, do I doubt him. I doubt He will heal, again. I doubt, He will love, more. I doubt, I doubt...

And it feels so condemning. I put myself in my own prison cell when I doubt, Jesus I deserve this dark cell, but can you answer me just one more thing, Are you truly who you say you are?

He does not abandon me, He does not forsake my heart, He only does what He always does, He continues to love, he continues to heal. He steps into my self-built dungeon of doubt and tragedy, lifts up my head and says, "I still love you in your doubts." He takes my hand and sets my captive heart free to believe again. He liberates me to trust him again.

Doubt isn't always bad because Jesus shows me his heart. He reveals to me that He is still good, and his character is still true. In my faithlessness, he remains faithful. His promises are always true.

"If we have died with him, we will also live with him;

if we endure, we will also reign with him;

if we deny him, he also will deny us;

if we are faithless, he remains faithful-

for he cannot deny himself."

2 Timothy 2:11-13