When Dead Things Fall

I watch the colors fall like rain around me, making my heart dance. And I've decided one thing, I'm in love with the colors. I'm in love with the fact that things don't stay the same. My God is one who is always doing something new. He is always making all thing new.

He created our world to move like that. It begins in the summer, where everything is alive, things are new and breathing. My heart beats to the life I see. When I awaken, it isn't hard to look around and agree with my lungs, "Oh yes, keep breathing." I see life and beauty. I see love and adventure. With every heartbeat my soul sings gratitude. My mouth whispers for life to stay like this forever. If I only knew the definition of forever.

Fall comes though, the air becomes crisp. And I begin to see something glorious happen. The fierce green turns into blazing colors. The colors I only dreamed of in the summer.

Crisp autumn air fills my lungs, the leaves crunch beneath my feet. The wind whispers of the change that's coming. The clouds restlessly move across the sky, unable to stay in one position for long.  The leaves, the stunning leaves, comes vivid colors.

Blazing fire red.

A dying sun's orange glow.

The color of happiness, yellow.
When dead things fall, it's beautiful. Oh, how stunning the colors are when they glint in the light, blanketing the slowly dying grass. 

Part of me longs for the constant summer sun tinting the color of my skin, while the other part of me is thriving on the still, small voice that says, "Behold, I am doing a new thing." 

 The part about fall that is the hardest to take is the cold. It comes with the beauty of the falling of leaves. Without the foreseen bitter, those beautiful colors would never dance across the sky.

I take it in stride, keeping my eyes on the beauty. My eyes flicker back though to the warmth, the adventures and the joy.

The truth of the word of God breezes across my heart "forgetting what lies behind, straining towards what is ahead."

His future looked a lot dimmer than mine. Shipwrecks, beatings, persecution, being stoned and whippings. 

The future I'm frightened to see doesn't have quite that threat. Why is it so hard to forget what I've left behind? 

"Behold, I am doing a new thing." The constant words, the consistency of the promise.

But seriously, I look at Paul. The one who claimed to be the scum of the earth, the one who told us of things that instill fear, the one who brought to us a Gospel unlike any other, a Father of our faith. I look at Paul who stands, a prisoner on a ship that has been in a storm for 14 days, lead the shipmates in thanksgiving to God. Because He was confident God would save them. This is the man that says this,

"For I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

I have learned the secret.

 Oh Paul, enlighten me! What is the secret?

Why didn't he tell us the secret?

He wanted us to experience the joy of learning. 

I am learning.

Let me enlighten you though. The secret is Jesus. Who else could bring contentment in starvation. Or in my current case, of facing plenty. Who else but Jesus could bring that contentment?

Who else could wash a peace over my heart as I watch beauty fall to the ground. I could see death, but I see promises of life. 

Who else is there?

He has promised me He is doing a new thing. I am confident in His promises. I am confident in His love. I am learning the secret of contentment.

I watch the leaves again, and I see more than these dead leaves falling. I see dead roots within lives around me falling, dying beautifully. Winter threatens fear and isolation. Winter reminds me of a seemingly never-ending dead. But I have learned the secret of being content. I have learned the secret. Jesus.

I am learning how to know Him, who does things mysteriously and miraculously. 

I have learned the secret that with Jesus, when dead thing fall, life is just around the corner.

You Are All I See

The words of an old song I heard in church once ring through my heart. Though I cannot find the song anywhere, I know I heard it. I know the Spirit inside me is reminding me of these words.
"You are all I see,
You are all I see.
The world fades away.
So with all my heart
and with all my soul,
I'll live for You alone."
I don't remember the rest, but I remember these vital, life-giving words.

You are all I see.
Is He all I see?
I get so distraught, I become so emotional, I feel so deeply.
Is He all I see?
I see disunity, I watch scenes of battles for the wrong things play before me. I see hurts and wounds and pains. I watch as the ones we thought were supposed to love pour salt on someones raw heart.
I see so much.

I remember the words so clearly to my heart. Time and time again. "Leah, have eyes to see."
To see what, Lord? To see the hurt I can't quite look beyond?
Oh no, self, you have it all wrong.

The answer is to see Him.
To see Jesus.

The Psalmist proclaims, "Where shall I go from your Presence?"
The Psalmist cries, "In your presence there is fullness of joy!"

I lament, "How can I see joy amidst this? Where can I see you?"

And my eyes have opened. The cool breeze of fall blows through my hair, I take off my shoes and my feet can breathe; again. There is freedom in this place. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, There is Freedom!

This freedom He speaks of, I've experienced. Exclusively the Lord and I, for a year of my life. A year of nothing except Him pursuing me and me pursuing Him. All of life's troubles faded away, the demons couldn't contend with the intimacy we had. I was in a place where Jesus was all I saw. He proved his trustworthiness to me. And then He called me out upon the waters. The waters I had almost drowned in before. The waters I had gone under in. The waters I feared.
He said, "Do not fear, for I am with you." He taught me how to swim, He taught me how to float. How could I doubt Him? I said I had no need to fear. He would be with me.
Yet, why is it when I am here in this painfully familiar territory I fear? Why is it I feel like I'm drowning?

The waves were high. The storm was real. I knew we would perish. In that moment, I knew we were about to meet our end. But I looked and I saw. I saw my Savior, I saw my Best Friend. I saw the one I trusted beyond a shadow of doubt. He was walking on the water. He said, "Take heart. It is I. Do not be afraid." His gentle words stilled the storm in me as they always had. And I asked Him to call me. I asked Him to call me onto the waves. His words were soft, a smile on His lips. And I walked on the water. I was literally putting one foot in front of the other and defying laws of nature and gravity and walking on the water. I saw the waves, I saw the water and I thought, "Impossible." I began to sink, I cried out, "Lord, Save me!" 

He took my hand and said, almost mournfully, "Why did you doubt?"

Peter walked on water. Peter saw the waves, but He saw His Savior more. And he asked Jesus to call him onto the waves. That's the part I cannot get over. He didn't just watch in awe and wonder as Jesus defied nature. I'm going to say it again. He asked Jesus to call him onto the waves. He was a fisherman who knew the danger of storms and water. And he knew water. He was comfortable with it. In a boat. And then He asked Jesus that daring request with a far-fetched faith. And He walked on water. But why did He sink? He looked away from Jesus. He saw His situation instead of Jesus. He didn't see Jesus and fear caused Him to sink.

See, a few months ago, Jesus called me out upon the waves. And I had this daring faith, I said, "Yes, Lord. Call me out upon the waters, where feet may fail." I sang that song that has become popular phenomenon. I sang in faith, I sang knowing He would make me walk on the water too. 

And I walk momentarily on the water, often though it morphs from my unfazed trust into my doubt and me sinking and Jesus redeeming. Almost daily. And it is because I take my gaze off of Jesus. I see my circumstance, and oh how hopeless it seems. Without Jesus. His ever true words come back, "Leah, have eyes to see."

2 Corinthians 1:10 speaks hope to my soul. I am reminded of my familiar Hope. "He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again." 

He delivered me before, He will surely deliver me again. Not far later in the book of 2 Corinthians Paul says, "Therefore, we do not lose heart." And it comes back to the verse I have based my blog on. Clay Jars of Treasure. Afflicted but not crushed, perplexed but not despaired. 

We believe that He who raised Jesus will also bring us into His Presence. His presence that is filled with joy and love and peace. And the restoration I have been praying for. Oh this book is full of so many tiny treasures I long to share with you, another time. 

I conclude with one thing: Hope. Don't build your hope on your circumstance, Don't look at your circumstance, because surely you will soon begin to sink.You will lose sight of the light and the darkness will seem darker. Hope in Jesus. How? Gaze on Him. His light will guide you. His light will shine in dark corners. His light will cast glimmer of Hope all over your life. The fear will dissipate because instead of drowning in circumstance, you will be drowning in love. The need for independence will become detested because you will feel your inadequacy, and you'll fall into His Grace. You'll see that He is the God of restoration who wants to redeem your life and your circumstance far more than you do. 

Teach me, Lord, how to keep my gaze fixed upon You. I want you to be the only thing I see. And with Your vision, I'll see my situation in your glorious Light.

You are all I see.