The Unspoken of Love Is

I forgot.
I got so distracted. So tangled up in one small characteristic that I couldn't get my heart around.

I missed it. I missed the message. Because after years of reading, "Love is patient, Love is kind..." I decided that patience was the one that needed the most work. Suddenly, without my realization, love is patient was all there was to love.

I encountered LOVE himself, I experienced the depths of his patience, his goodness, his kindness. And yet it was still a slap to my face when I moved onto the second characteristic of Love.

Love is Patient. Check.
Love is kind.

Love

is

kind.

I could hear his voice. And it was gentle, but oh, how I feel the sword of truth slicing the marrow of my soul.

I was patient, but was I kind in my love?

I did not envy, but did I boast?

I was not arrogant, but was I rude?

How often do I insist on my own way and if I do not get it am irritable in return?

I do not rejoice at wrong, but do I delight in truth?

Love is beyond patience.
Love is all of these characteristics that I cannot embody in my own strength.
Love is Someone. Love is the one, knocking, waiting, outside the door to our souls.
And when is that that we will quit trying so hard to be something that we are not.

When is it that we will fall, quickly, wholly, completely, into his bountiful grace?

This is why just a few short chapters later it does not say, "Grab a hold of love." It does not say, "Become love." As if it were a small, quick act. Instead, chapter 14 begins, "Pursue love."

Pursue. Dioko. 1. to make to run or flee. 2. to run swiftly in order to catch a person or thing--to pursue (in a hostile manner.)

I am not a biblical scholar. But this word is translated 28 times as persecute. It seems odd, but maybe  the intention is that those reading this text would see the absolute haste demanded, the intense necessity of pursuing love, not only the characteristic but ultimately the person, Jesus Christ. 

This LOVE is steadfastly patient. It is unwaveringly kind. It does not lust after other things, it's only boast is in Christ. It is not self-conceited, and it is not rude. It is self-sacrificial, and it delights in Truth. Love is Christ. And he bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. This Love, This Savior, he never ends.

I am falling, finally, into his bountiful grace. Love will not come from some place deep inside of me, from things I enjoy and things I desire. Instead, this LOVE will come from living a life side by side with the greatest love of them all. It will not be about my own strength, or grabbing hold of love, instead, it will be pursuing love, swiftly and purposefully.

meditations on first corinthians

Precious stones. The splendor of the riches of Gold, the softness of silver glinting in the sun. Ocean blue sapphire, Forest green emeralds, Fairytale amethyst. Ruby, diamond, opal.  These precious metals that fire will test, will not be burned. Built upon the steadfast and sure foundation of Jesus Christ, we are being made into the Temple of God. Do we not know that The Spirit of holiness and purity and love dwells within us? The temple of God must be holy. He is creating us into his holy temple. 

The Holy Spirit dwells within me. YAHWEH, the God of the Old Testament, the God of splendor and beauty and love and kindness. The God who parted waters, conquered Kingdoms, called a people to himself; that God has made me his temple. He saw me. My foundation was unsteady, I was created by the sand, ready to give into anything that came my way. I was built with wood and hay and straw, as soon as the fire hit, I would be nothing. Gone. Hopeless. The fire had already begun. My heart, quickly disintegrating. 

What did He say, though? The HOLY YAHWEH looked at a fallen, broken, people and worked wonders. The God whose foolishness is wiser than man and weakness is stronger. This God gave us a truth that all would marvel at, like a child watching in awe as a small toy is wound up to play its game. But to the world, to those lost, to those who we were once like, it is folly. It is absurd. 

We demand signs. Show us what we have already seen, we cry. We seek sense and logic. We search books and science, attempting to come up with reasons as to how God could possibly be real. How could this make sense? A perfect god-man? Walking earth? Sacrificed for a people who might never care? But to those who are called, it is the POWER and the WISDOM of God. 

The mystery of the Gospel is deeper than I can explain. Wider than I know. But it is the truth by which I live my life. The words that have changed everything. I devour my Bible like it's where I get my breath and life. Paul tells me to imitate him as he imitates Christ. Do you know what that asks of me and you?

We are fools for Christ's sake, but you are wise in Christ. We are weak, but you are strong. You are held in honor, but we in disrepute. To the present hour we hunger and thirst, we are poorly dressed and buffeted and homeless, and we labor, working with our hands. When reviled, we bless; when persecuted, we endure; when slandered, we entreat. We have become and are sill, like the scum of the world, the refuse of all things.

We are like the scum of the world, the refuse of all things. How can we impart the wisdom and power of God if we are the scum of the world? The beauty is that I am only the messenger and it is he who softens hearts and changes lives. The most amazing part is that I was nothing. My worth equated to how quickly it was to burn a house built with hay on the sand. But how good God is to move my foundation, change my heart, build me up with precious metals and stones. 

What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,

nor the heart of man imagined, 

what God has prepared for those who love him--

THESE THINGS God has revealed to us through the Spirit. 

Does it blow you away? Are you in awe? Like when you try and jump a wave but get tossed around by the immensity of the ocean and it takes your breath away? You didn't see it coming but here you are recovering from the beauty of this truth. Once, my life was unknown. Now, I can know God's plan for my life, but more miraculously, I can know God!  

Oh, how beautiful the wisdom of God to map out my life.

Oh, how wonderful the power of God to change a sinful heart like mine. 

Hallelujah, for the Kingdom of God, does not come in talk, but in power. 

Hallelujah, that I have been chosen to be a daughter of this Kingdom.

Paul ends Corinthians with the simplistic truth that has changed humanity. I am reminded of the Gospel. If it were not true that the Gospel was the POWER of God and the WISDOM of God, then we would be the most pitied of them all. If Christ had not been raised, how futile my life would be. BUT PRAISE BE TO OUR GOD, because indeed Christ has been raised from the dead, he is sitting at the right hand of the father interceding for me, and that is the truth, that is the Gospel by which I stand.

So come, Lord Jesus, build us up to be your precious Kingdom. You are our steadfast foundation, build us up with the most precious of stones. Let us build one another up with the most precious of truths. Let us LOVE deeply, let us use our gifts to the greatest capacity. Let us seek the encouragement of others, let us bring glory to God, let us flee idolatry and most importantly let us bring glory to God in everything we do. 

**All meditations and Scripture quotes are from 1 Corinthians
This is intended to get you to read the book for yourself! 

a testimony of hope

It was 5 years ago.

5 years ago when I first learned that words can shatter your world.

5 years ago when I discovered how fragile mortality is.

5 years ago when God changed my life.

I was on my first mission trip. Longing to love my surroundings. Wishing it didn't have to be about me. But a call from home that your mother's health has taken a turn for the worse will keep you chained in two locations. Satan tried to make ruin missions for me that week. Instead, God took a terrible situation and he gave me hope. The children screamed hope in my face with the VBS theme song. The woman we served gently spoke hope to my heart as she shared her stories and her love for the LORD.

It was 4 years ago.

4 years ago when I experienced the first summer without a mother.

4 years ago when I returned to Cherokee.

4 years ago when I fell in love with missions.

I was on my second mission trip. Same place, same people, different heart. I was praying, longing for a child who could resonate with my testimony. And God gave me one. His name was Alijah and for the first time, my broken heart was able to minister to another. For the first time, my sadness had purpose. For the first time, I saw God's love penetrate another broken heart. I was hooked. I wanted more.

It was 3 years ago.

3 years ago when I graduated from high school.

3 years ago when the world was at my fingertips.

3 years ago when I made decisions that would plan the rest of my life.

I was on my third mission trip. Same place, same people, same heart. God was confirming, this was my passion. God was speaking, this was his plan, his beautiful purpose. This was wisdom in the dark. I had so much love for these people. I wanted to pour the hope that God had given me into these hearts. I was a little scared. Could I really do this for the rest of my life?

It was 2 years ago.

2 years ago when I was in Nicaragua.

2 years ago when my heart was healed.

2 years ago when joy radiated from my face.

I was on my fifth mission trip. New place, New people, Changed heart. I was where I was passionate. I was sharing the Gospel freely. I was loving children who didn't speak my language. I was laughing with friends. I was joyful in ways I had never been. For the first time I believed without a shadow of doubt this hope I was giving to hearts. My God is good. My God is faithful. My God is beautiful.

It was 1 year ago.

1 year ago when I was unsteady.

1 year ago when I was on the brink of new decisions.

1 year ago when God gained my complete trust.

I was on my first summer in 4 years where I wasn't on a mission trip. I was a little uneasy and a little unsteady. God was taking me into the unknown for the first time. I was going to be a student, I was going to invest in passions I wasn't sure could be developed. I was trusting God FOR EVERYTHING.

It is today.

Today I am amazed.

Today I am in awe.

Today I have open hands.

Today I'm not on a mission trip. But I am on a mission field. I have been wrestling with this small verse in the middle of 1 Corinthians that can change it all. Paul is talking to the Corinthians about their idolatry and their legalism. They were so bound by the rules or on the opposite side of the spectrum and no caring about rules at all. There was disunity. And in the midst of a passage where Paul surrenders his rights to not following certain rules, that he says this, 

"In the same way, the Lord commanded that those who proclaim the Gospel should get their living by the Gospel."

The word living is Zao in Greek. A form of the Greek word Zoe. This is what Jesus talks about when he gives abundant life. Not the life of your mortality, but the life of you living life to the fullest.

Those who proclaim the Gospel should get their abundant living from the Gospel.

Today I get my Zao from the Gospel. It is hard to be the only source of light in a dark workplace. It is hard to write papers and take tests and study. It is hard to be so busy. But my source of consolation through it all is that CHRIST is my center. GOD holds it all. THE LORD directs my path. JESUS saved my soul. the SPIRIT dwells within me. HE is my good news. He is my Gospel. And this is what I will proclaim during school, during work, during my day to day.

Next year I don't know where I'll be.

10 years from now, I can't even dream of what my future will be.

50 years from now, I pray that I look back in AWE, in HOPE, and in utter gratitude.

50 years from now, I hope I look back and say, "I proclaimed the Gospel and because of that, I got my abundant life from the Gospel."