Known by God

"Leah, trust me." His voice is gentle, as it always has been. His love is steady, as it always has been.
At the beginning of this week I heard God say to me, "Look for expressions of my love to you."
Because in the beginning of this week I didn't know how to describe my feelings, but I was hungry for more of God.
One morning, I took a walk, it was a road that led through the forest, it was so serene, a peacefulness I couldn't quite recreate. But as I was walking, I realized that in my life I had come out of one side of the forest. I had made it through some really hard things, I had wrestled against God to make sense out of hard things, I had fallen deeper into the arms of God. But I had come out and now I was on the road between two forests. I thought, "Jesus, I don't want to go into another forest, it's hard and I don't know what's in there."
He said, "Well, you could walk down the road, you would still see some secrets of the forest.. Or, you could go inside of the forest. Yes, it will be frightening, but it will be adventurous and fun."
As I stood in the middle of that road, weighing the two options in my hand, I decided to go into the forest.  Because I knew there was still so much for me, Jesus had so much for my heart. And I wanted it.
He showed his love to me by speaking to me through nature, one of my favorite things.
This week I was in awe of my relationship with Jesus, it's a daddy/daughter relationship, a lover/beloved relationship and a best friend relationship. He meets all my greatest needs and I can come to him and say, "You are all I need, you are my one true desire."
I won't say all the things Jesus spoke over my life this week, but I will say that he gave me the gift of love. In so many ways, so many beautiful ways that are too lovely to put into words.
I just want to encourage you to find stories of your own. Pursue Jesus deeply, run after him, fall in love with him. Jesus wants a personal relationship with you. You can't have a personal relationship without two way communication. You can't just word vomit on Jesus and call it a relationship, you must let him speak to you, you have to let him love you! He wants to go deep, He wants to give you love.
In so many different places in the Bible God says, "I know you." Galatians 4:9 says, "Now that you know God--or rather are known by God..." The word for know in these passages is to know in an intimate, personal way." It is the same word that was used when Even became pregnant with Adam's child. "Adam knew even and she concieved." This is the word God uses to say he wants to know us with! This is crazy! God wants to know us! He doesn't need us, he wants us!
His love is surprising, so overwhelming, that I cannot describe it.
I want you to experience it for yourselves!
So those of you who have never experienced this incredible love, who have never quite recognized his voice, take the time today to be still before him. Ask him for a revelation of himself to you, he will give it to you.

Carry Your Candle

This week we talked about calling. And it becomes a little overwhelming when you have absolutely no idea what your going to do with your life and your just kind of along for the ride. But promise after promise poured down from heaven this week. Telling me in tiny ways that my Father, my best friend, the God of this entire universe has a specific, intricate plan for my life.
He gave me a promise with Psalm 40:5, it says

Many, Lord my God,
    are the wonders you have done,
    the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
    were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
    they would be too many to declare.

Even though I cannot see it, even though I am blind to the daunting details of the future, my God hands me a candle. He ignites the flame in my heart, and it grows. He fashions my heart as my faith in Him grows so much bigger. Then he takes my candle and shines the light in the dark little room of the presence with the future screaming at me from the dark corners. 
He takes the Light of his Hope and shines it in the corner. He gently says to me, "See, there aren't any monsters," reassuring the deepest parts of my heart from my greatest fears.
He hands the candle back to me and tells me that it will be my job to bring the hope to the scary dark world. It will be a part of my future to take my hope, my light, my joy and testimony to the world. 
And suddenly I have been imparted with a huge task. The darkness tells me to stay away and live captivated in fear. But my Savior reminds me of the candle in my hands, of the hope and peace and joy it contains. 
Yet even greater is the adventure calling whispering secrets of excitement and joy. It tells me of moments that will take my breath away. Moments where I see freedom release the hearts that are bound in chains, moments when children's cries will be stopped in my arms, moments when a woman cries in my lap and meets my precious Jesus face to face. These moments remind me how worth it this adventure will be. 
Never do I want to go back to the daily mundane of a 9-5 because my heart has been captured in the sweetest of chains and I have never felt so free. 
With the Holy Spirit in my heart whispering promises to the depths of my soul, the candle I hold that grows with my excitement and faith, and my feet ready to run, I will go. 

Sometimes I feel stuck, especially in waiting for another mission trip just around the corner. But I remember there is learning in the waiting. I remember in these moments that I am furthering my capacity to love with the intimacy I experience with Jesus and I am developing my skills to teach the things that have been imparted to me.
I remember the moments of planning for trips to Cherokee and India. I remember being in awe of the worthiness of it as I sat crosslegged with a little boy in Cherokee and he asked Jesus into his heart. Or I got to say, "Jesus loves you." to a little girl in India. Or I hold a girl at camp as she cries into my arms. I remember how worth it it is.

It's in those moments where words cannot express my love for Jesus. I stand in awe as he pours his love back on my heart. How beautiful. How beautiful it will be.

Though my heart is bound in the sweetest of chains, I am free to be me.
Though my heart cannot wait to go, I am free to "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."
Though the details of the future seem to be monsters hiding in the corner and my calling is not completely clear. I know that I am called to live a life of purity, faith and love radically following my God. And for now, that looks like seeing each step as he reveals it to me moment by moment.

 Today at church the sermon was about Jesus raising Lazurus to life. Not only did he bring him to life again, he commanded him to take off the grave clothes. He said "Life is more than just oxygen, it's about freedom. He came to bring us life and life abundantly!" I have come to this place where I can say, "Jesus, you are the only thing I need." It is the most freeing of places and I have life abundantly.
So I will carry my candle and light up the darkest places with hope, joy, testimony and life.