The animals were restless, the sky wasn't as dark as it usually was, the stars seemed to twinkle just a little brighter. The sorrow that usually reigned in the shepherd's hearts was nearly nonexistent. The king's usual burdens were lifted, their hearts feeling thousands lighter.
An inexpiable hope was rampant in this city.
A lonely innkeeper, no room left in his home, longed to say 'yes' to the family that gave him a strange sense of peace. He longed for the hope that seemed to leap from the joyful young father and weary mother. Giving all he had left, he said, "It's not much, but the stable has room." He lifted his eyes and knew it was an answer to their prayers. As smiles danced on their lips. The young mother placed her fingers on her large middle. She said "He's happy."
Hope was rampant in this old innkeeper's heart.
The baby came painlessly, letting out a cry in the night. The cry that initiated hope. It set fire to the anticipation of the years. He came quietly, but the lowly knew. The animals almost danced in their grazing through the fields at night. The earth groaned in expectation of what this meant for Creation itself. The shepherd's watch a host of angels, the most magnificent sight they had ever seen, sing of hope, sing of peace, sing of joy. The night was holy, they knew. The innkeeper watched from his window, as a glow from the fields screamed hope to his hopeless heart. He watched the young family, and for the first time believed the stories his ancestors had passed through the ages. A Savior would come, a Messiah would arrive. Immanuel, God was finally with us. He didn't know how, but there was something about that baby, that tiny baby, that the mother lovingly placed in his arms that ignited a fire in his heart. He saw Love in that baby's fiery eyes. A furious Love that would stop at nothing. A passionate Love that was captivating his soul.
"What's his name?" He whispered in awe as the baby wrapped a tiny fist around his finger.
"Jesus, God rescues." The young mother smiled.
The scriptures he had memorized as a boy shouted in his heart, "For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given; and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."
He knew this was that baby, beyond a shadow of doubt, this baby was hope incarnate. This baby restored life to his broken soul within moments. This baby made all the hurt of all the years disappear. This baby looked deep into his soul and said, "I AM." And this lonely, old innkeeper, frail and broken, believed for the first time.
Hope was rampant for the world.
Each shepherd that came to kneel before this baby, with nothing to offer but themselves, was changed. They looked into the eyes of Justice and Mercy and felt forgiveness. They looked at their meaningless life, and this baby, The Son of God, gave them purpose for the first time.
The kings bowed before, repented of their selfish ways, because they had been called by God himself to serve this land.
Hope was rampant in this city.
My heart wanders back to that night, 2000 years ago, and as I stare into this Christmas Eve candle-light, a tiny light in comparison the the Light of that peaceful night.
"For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ."
2 Corinthians 4:6
I may never know what it was like to stare into the eyes of a babe who brought life into the world. I may never know what it was to stand in a stable so strongly reeking of hay, to stand in the most peaceful, yet glorious night in all of history. I may never know what it was like to see the moment when history was changed, when Love breathed his first, when hope burst out of tiny lungs into a grieving world, longing for something more. But I know what it is to be pursued by a furious love, to have a friendship with a jealous Savior. I've experienced the faithfulness of my God who not only came as an infant, and died on the cross for my sins, but lived a life to show me what it means to be fully alive.
The fear and doubt is fleeing.
Hope is rampant in my heart.
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Faith is...
Do you have faith in the fact that I can change your circumstances? Or do you have faith in me that I am faithful even in the midst of your terrifying circumstances and even if I choose not to pull you out of that?
Faith is so many things. Faith is that place where I am standing on the edge of a rock, miles above the ground and I stare into the scenery and I can trust. If God said jump, would I jump?
Faith is when I see the firey passion of a sunset and it screams promises of return. Yet faith is also when I see the faint colors hidden underneath the clouds as the sky slowly darkens and the sun whispers, "Do you remember my covenant?"
Faith is when my world spins faster and seems to stop in the dead of night and I have only the stars, so far away, reminding me of the light.
Faith is taking myself away from the busy, fake lights, and looking at the real ones, that have been placed in heaven for me.
Faith is knowing that the stars are the holes in the blanket that separate me from heaven, they are the glory of God.
Faith is whispering, "I still believe..." through the tears, through the clouds that make the dark night all the darker.
Faith is a funny thing, because I can have so little, I can be like the man in the Bible who wanted Jesus to heal his child so bad who said, "I believe; help my unbelief."
Faith is in God when he says yes. Faith is in God when he says no. Faith is believing He can change my circumstances, but it is trusting in Him when He chooses not to.
Faith isn't always a symphony chorus making a beautiful sound filled with hope and wonder. Faith can be a tear that falls and splashes the ground as I look up and know who my Creator is. Faith isn't always standing on the rooftops and shouting the glories of God filled to the fullest with all of the gifts He has given. Faith can be standing with empty hands and expressing your need.
This week I saw a tiny act of faith that gave me volumes of faith. I expressed my financial need for my trip to India coming so quickly to a family. And a precious little girl gave me all the coins she had in a plastic bag. It was an expression of her faith, that even though it was small, she was giving out of a pure heart, and heart that wanted to see me go to India so I could share the hope that I have with them. She played a vital role, and her giving heart is changing mine, to be grateful and to be faithful.
Faith is little, Faith is small.
My faith is in my God who promises to be faithful even when I am not.
Faith is a heart in a place knowing it isn't enough yet trusting that God is.
Faith is so many things. Faith is that place where I am standing on the edge of a rock, miles above the ground and I stare into the scenery and I can trust. If God said jump, would I jump?
Faith is when I see the firey passion of a sunset and it screams promises of return. Yet faith is also when I see the faint colors hidden underneath the clouds as the sky slowly darkens and the sun whispers, "Do you remember my covenant?"
Faith is when my world spins faster and seems to stop in the dead of night and I have only the stars, so far away, reminding me of the light.
Faith is taking myself away from the busy, fake lights, and looking at the real ones, that have been placed in heaven for me.
Faith is knowing that the stars are the holes in the blanket that separate me from heaven, they are the glory of God.
Faith is whispering, "I still believe..." through the tears, through the clouds that make the dark night all the darker.
Faith is a funny thing, because I can have so little, I can be like the man in the Bible who wanted Jesus to heal his child so bad who said, "I believe; help my unbelief."
Faith is in God when he says yes. Faith is in God when he says no. Faith is believing He can change my circumstances, but it is trusting in Him when He chooses not to.
Faith isn't always a symphony chorus making a beautiful sound filled with hope and wonder. Faith can be a tear that falls and splashes the ground as I look up and know who my Creator is. Faith isn't always standing on the rooftops and shouting the glories of God filled to the fullest with all of the gifts He has given. Faith can be standing with empty hands and expressing your need.
This week I saw a tiny act of faith that gave me volumes of faith. I expressed my financial need for my trip to India coming so quickly to a family. And a precious little girl gave me all the coins she had in a plastic bag. It was an expression of her faith, that even though it was small, she was giving out of a pure heart, and heart that wanted to see me go to India so I could share the hope that I have with them. She played a vital role, and her giving heart is changing mine, to be grateful and to be faithful.
Faith is little, Faith is small.
My faith is in my God who promises to be faithful even when I am not.
Faith is a heart in a place knowing it isn't enough yet trusting that God is.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Worth It All
I am in the last week of lecture phase. Where has the time gone? This season has been so incredible. I have made some of the best friends in my life, my relationship with the Lord has gone deeper than I ever thought possible, my faith stretched beyond my comprehension.
Something about developing a right view of God softens your heart. One thing I have loved about this season in my life is that I have been encouraged to wrestle with the hard things, wrestle like Jacob with God until morning, until I know, without a shadow of doubt who my God is. I have learned that some truth doesn't come easy, some truth my heart tries so hard to believe but it doesn't know how. I have learned to rest in the arms of Jesus. He is good like that, He will wrestle with your heart, fighting with it to believe the truth, but when you are too exhausted to go on, he lets you rest. He cradles your heart and speaks love over you. I have learned the faithfulness of the Lord. He is unchanging despite my swaying emotions. He is like the sunset. When it is my world that turns, not himself, he paints me a beautiful picture, promising 'I am still with you', as the dark night closes in. He gives me the stars, people in my life who light up the night and guide me to the truth, reminders of the faithfulness of my God. He gives me the moon, which is the Word of God and reflects himself when I can't seem to see him.
My favorite quote was written by a man in a concentration camp, at his lowest point, he carved into a wall, "I believe in the sun even when I can't see it. I believe in love even when I can't feel it. I believe in God even when He is silent." He knew that it wasn't the Lord who had changed, but his world that spun away from seeing the Light of the Son.
He has proved his faithfulness to me, in bringing me through a journey of being closer to His heart. He is patient to my stubborn heart that oftentimes doesn't want to hike the mountain before me, but oh, once on the top the view is incredible. He is my God, who I love learning more about and growing deeper in my love with Him. There is so much more to love, so much more to learn, and this is only the beginning of a beautiful journey.
I've reached this place of freedom. I know I still have far to go.
At times it is hard, and I lift my weary eyes and say, "Oh Lord, how long?" But I have come to this place, where I know that when I am in the arms of my Jesus at the end of this life it will all be worth it. The struggles, the tears, the good times, the laughter, it will all be worth it.Because Jesus is Worth It All.
Something about developing a right view of God softens your heart. One thing I have loved about this season in my life is that I have been encouraged to wrestle with the hard things, wrestle like Jacob with God until morning, until I know, without a shadow of doubt who my God is. I have learned that some truth doesn't come easy, some truth my heart tries so hard to believe but it doesn't know how. I have learned to rest in the arms of Jesus. He is good like that, He will wrestle with your heart, fighting with it to believe the truth, but when you are too exhausted to go on, he lets you rest. He cradles your heart and speaks love over you. I have learned the faithfulness of the Lord. He is unchanging despite my swaying emotions. He is like the sunset. When it is my world that turns, not himself, he paints me a beautiful picture, promising 'I am still with you', as the dark night closes in. He gives me the stars, people in my life who light up the night and guide me to the truth, reminders of the faithfulness of my God. He gives me the moon, which is the Word of God and reflects himself when I can't seem to see him.
My favorite quote was written by a man in a concentration camp, at his lowest point, he carved into a wall, "I believe in the sun even when I can't see it. I believe in love even when I can't feel it. I believe in God even when He is silent." He knew that it wasn't the Lord who had changed, but his world that spun away from seeing the Light of the Son.
He has proved his faithfulness to me, in bringing me through a journey of being closer to His heart. He is patient to my stubborn heart that oftentimes doesn't want to hike the mountain before me, but oh, once on the top the view is incredible. He is my God, who I love learning more about and growing deeper in my love with Him. There is so much more to love, so much more to learn, and this is only the beginning of a beautiful journey.
I've reached this place of freedom. I know I still have far to go.
At times it is hard, and I lift my weary eyes and say, "Oh Lord, how long?" But I have come to this place, where I know that when I am in the arms of my Jesus at the end of this life it will all be worth it. The struggles, the tears, the good times, the laughter, it will all be worth it.Because Jesus is Worth It All.
This song by Rita Springer has been a song that has really touched my heart this week.
What's next: I'll be home in exactly one week!!! I'd love to see as many of you as possible! Send me an email if you'd like to get together (:
I'll be home for 2 weeks. I will then come back to Louisville and leave for North Carolina for 10 days for my Stateside Outreach. And then, FINALLY, on January 8th I will leave for India for 6 weeks! I am so excited!!
Contact me: clayjarsoftreasure@gmail.com
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Thanksgiving Outreach Stories
Beyond the stony gravel of the railroad, in a ditch beneath the trees, is a tiny homeless community. Tents are everywhere, trash and burnt out firepits. I'm bundled in two jackets, yet it is the day time. I walk around with a sinking feeling in my chest. This is America, I live a half hour away in one of the richest neighborhoods of Louisville and these people are relying on us to drop off some water and more blankets for the impending cold of the night. My heart breaks.
Anne sits across from me at a soup kitchen. I had sat down here when I scanned the room full of homeless people and picked her out of the crowd. She pours out her life story to me, hungry for someone to listen. She was alone in this crowded room. She told me a story of hopes and dreams, that were soon shattered by someone she gave her heart to, but in a careless moment he cast her heart that was intertwined with his aside. Yet somewhere in her searching for meaning, in her searching for something fulfilling after the pain, she knew that God was with her. He was her constant source, someone she could pray to, someone she knew would answer.
We knocked on a door, hoping for the best, the last 5 doors had failed us. Mary answered and we asked her if we could pray for her or if there was any other way we could bless her today. She almost closed the door, but she later told us, she had a good feeling about us, Jesus had come with us. She said just a week before she had been given more bad news from her doctor and she was about to give up. She felt hopeless, for a moment. Her doctor told her he missed her smile. She said, "But you came, and you were sent straight from God."
Mary told us story upon story, imparted wisdom from her 74 years to our young hearts. She said, "Sometimes when I think about life, it's strange, the good and the bad and I just have to thank God for both."
We blessed her that day, but she blessed us. We needed to hear from her as badly as she needed to hear from us.
So many stories swim in my head. Three days of non-stop ministry and my heart is full. There is so much tragedy, so much homelessness, but there is this hope that lays underneath the surface of it all. Anne felt it, Mary knew it. Instead of being discouraged by the sadness I felt this weekend, I am filled with hope. Jesus is pursuing these people with broken hearts, he isn't letting them feel despair. He nudges them with this hope and whispers, "There is something more."
So when I prayed for Anne, I prayed not that God would take her out of her pain, but that God would send her someone to love on her, be the hands and feet of Jesus, Someone to disciple her, so she would never have to feel lonely in a crowded room again. When we prayed for Mary, we prayed not that he would take away the pain, but that He would be the only comfort she would know, that she would keep living passionately for the Lord, knowing that He is her source.
Mary's smile gives me hope, Anne's story gives me passion, The homeless man who told us how blessed he was gives me a grateful heart. They have so little, but they have so much hope, even if they don't always feel it, it stirs within their souls.
Because of this weekend, my heart is different. It has a new passion, it has a new hope and I'm so thankful.
I got to hold a kitty! I miss kitties so much! But the one homeless family had a kitty so I got to hold her!!
Anne sits across from me at a soup kitchen. I had sat down here when I scanned the room full of homeless people and picked her out of the crowd. She pours out her life story to me, hungry for someone to listen. She was alone in this crowded room. She told me a story of hopes and dreams, that were soon shattered by someone she gave her heart to, but in a careless moment he cast her heart that was intertwined with his aside. Yet somewhere in her searching for meaning, in her searching for something fulfilling after the pain, she knew that God was with her. He was her constant source, someone she could pray to, someone she knew would answer.
We knocked on a door, hoping for the best, the last 5 doors had failed us. Mary answered and we asked her if we could pray for her or if there was any other way we could bless her today. She almost closed the door, but she later told us, she had a good feeling about us, Jesus had come with us. She said just a week before she had been given more bad news from her doctor and she was about to give up. She felt hopeless, for a moment. Her doctor told her he missed her smile. She said, "But you came, and you were sent straight from God."
Mary told us story upon story, imparted wisdom from her 74 years to our young hearts. She said, "Sometimes when I think about life, it's strange, the good and the bad and I just have to thank God for both."
We blessed her that day, but she blessed us. We needed to hear from her as badly as she needed to hear from us.
So many stories swim in my head. Three days of non-stop ministry and my heart is full. There is so much tragedy, so much homelessness, but there is this hope that lays underneath the surface of it all. Anne felt it, Mary knew it. Instead of being discouraged by the sadness I felt this weekend, I am filled with hope. Jesus is pursuing these people with broken hearts, he isn't letting them feel despair. He nudges them with this hope and whispers, "There is something more."
So when I prayed for Anne, I prayed not that God would take her out of her pain, but that God would send her someone to love on her, be the hands and feet of Jesus, Someone to disciple her, so she would never have to feel lonely in a crowded room again. When we prayed for Mary, we prayed not that he would take away the pain, but that He would be the only comfort she would know, that she would keep living passionately for the Lord, knowing that He is her source.
Mary's smile gives me hope, Anne's story gives me passion, The homeless man who told us how blessed he was gives me a grateful heart. They have so little, but they have so much hope, even if they don't always feel it, it stirs within their souls.
Because of this weekend, my heart is different. It has a new passion, it has a new hope and I'm so thankful.
asAlThis is a picture of the team I got to serve alongside this weekend. They are so amazing, and I am so blessed they are in my life.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Fully Alive
The sunset was masked behind the silhouetted trees. A thousand colors in one simple masterpiece. My eyes are drawn in by the sight, captured by the glory. I walk slowly away from the crowd of people, and the chatter dies behind me as I near the sunset. Nothing could have stolen me away in that moment. I lift my my camera, focusing on just the right color, the perfect angle.
And He reminds me, "Capture my glory." Oh how much more my camera means to me when I remember it is a gift, and I am using it for the purposes of His heart.
There couldn't be anything better than this. A place where my heart is enthralled, captured, amazed.
This place where my heart is fully alive.
This place where freedom is a lack of fear in my heart, a joy that cannot be quenched.
This place where struggle still exists, but it is no longer hidden behind so many walls, it is voiced, and I can know I am never alone.
This place that love lingers in every hall, in every room, in every soul.
This is what my heart was made for.
Christ didn't save me for the sole purpose of my eternal destination, He came a redeemed me so I could have life, and have it to the full. Never in the gospels did He say, "Do you want to go to heaven when you die?"
He said, "Come, Follow me. I will give you life."
Everywhere he looked, he saw the brokenness, the death that people were living in, and he gave them life.
Instead of our goal in life being, "The world will burn, Let's get out of here." We must have a kingdom perspective where we fulfill what Jesus was called to do, and we can walk in His footprints.
And He reminds me, "Capture my glory." Oh how much more my camera means to me when I remember it is a gift, and I am using it for the purposes of His heart.
There couldn't be anything better than this. A place where my heart is enthralled, captured, amazed.
This place where my heart is fully alive.
This place where freedom is a lack of fear in my heart, a joy that cannot be quenched.
This place where struggle still exists, but it is no longer hidden behind so many walls, it is voiced, and I can know I am never alone.
This place that love lingers in every hall, in every room, in every soul.
This is what my heart was made for.
Christ didn't save me for the sole purpose of my eternal destination, He came a redeemed me so I could have life, and have it to the full. Never in the gospels did He say, "Do you want to go to heaven when you die?"
He said, "Come, Follow me. I will give you life."
Everywhere he looked, he saw the brokenness, the death that people were living in, and he gave them life.
Instead of our goal in life being, "The world will burn, Let's get out of here." We must have a kingdom perspective where we fulfill what Jesus was called to do, and we can walk in His footprints.
"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
becuse he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor,
He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and recovering of sight to the bilind,
to set at liberty those who are oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."
And this is what we are called to fulfill! We are called to bring Jesus' love everywhere! He isn't limited to church, He wants to permeate EVERYWHERE. We are called to bring life to the world.
I have a gift, the world has a need. I've been given Love, I can't help but return that love. That love compells me to give to the world. To bring them the life, the individuality and the gifts I have been given to a world that is lost and needs to be revived and restored.
An apple has 5 seeds. But how many apples does a seed have? I have no idea where the small things I do will go. And so, in response to the life that God has given me, in response to his walking with me, I will spread life, I will be joy. I will shine light, radiate joy, give love.
Because this freedom is something I cannot keep to myself. This love is something I know others must experience. To feel the assurance of God with me, to know what it's like to hear that tiny voice, that before, I missed because of my constant going. These revelations of himself to me daily through his word, his people, his creation, I cannot keep them to myself!
It is too great. The story my heart has searched for is here. Our speaker this week said "The kingdom of God is anywhere God's will is being done." I want to do his will, His commands, because I have this knowledge of who He is. And because of his Father heart for me, I'll dance for Him. And because of his friendship, I will tell Him everything. Because of who he is, at the end of all this, I know that it will be worth it when I see Him face to face.
Because this freedom is something I cannot keep to myself. This love is something I know others must experience. To feel the assurance of God with me, to know what it's like to hear that tiny voice, that before, I missed because of my constant going. These revelations of himself to me daily through his word, his people, his creation, I cannot keep them to myself!
It is too great. The story my heart has searched for is here. Our speaker this week said "The kingdom of God is anywhere God's will is being done." I want to do his will, His commands, because I have this knowledge of who He is. And because of his Father heart for me, I'll dance for Him. And because of his friendship, I will tell Him everything. Because of who he is, at the end of all this, I know that it will be worth it when I see Him face to face.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Beautiful and Reflecting Me
This week God spoke to me through nature and his heart to mine.
I had my quiet time outside by this breathtaking lake.
I sat down, early morning, bundled up in front of this scene. And this resonates in my heart.
I want to make you like this lake, beautiful and reflecting me.
Early morning dawn cast a beautiful darkness of the lake. The fog lay close to the surface of the water, drifting slowly, the slowly rising light dispersing the clouds. The reflection of the trees on the water is beautiful, yet dark.
You have reflected me in the dark places when you couldn't feel my love, but you are going to reflect me even greater when you feel my love.
I reflected on my life thus far, and saw how Jesus was radiated from me, yet I knew there could be so much more.
Slowly, the sun hit the surface of the water, I began to see the colors of the trees so much brighter, so much greater. And then the sun rose above the trees and hit the water. I could no longer see the lake.
Then, it will get so bright that people won't see you, they will only see me shining through.
I cannot wait for the place where my life is so on fire, so passionate, so filled with love that people will only see Jesus. Our speaker this week said, "God is able to come within us with His Spirit, without crushing who we are!" That is the beauty of Christ, he saves us, he changes us to be more like him, yet he never takes away from who you are.
Wherever He takes me, whatever dark place He leads me, if it be to a far away country where hopelessness is rampant, He will be in me, and I, a reflection of Him, shining his light to the dark places.
It was before the foundations of the world that He chose this destiny for me, before the Creation that He loved me and chose to redeem and adopt me, and bestow upon me every blessing.
Golden.
Golden, my heart will become, when I let Him dig everything dirty out of my heart. Then he will clean the rusty room of my heart. Turning me golden.
It's the throne room of my heart, the place my Jesus belongs to be. The place that I dance for Him, the place I sing for Him, the place I crawl into my Father's heart. It is a place of intimacy, a place of only love. It is the place of surrender for my heart.
It is the place I am
called
to be.
And suddenly laying it all down, giving it all to Him, is a beautiful waste. His worth is so much greater, all the things I lay down for him, are nothing. The things I gain for my heart: an identity, freedom, love. They are so much greater! So I'll gladly pour out the bottle of my praise. Oh, it will be such a beautiful waste.
This is just a song from my week in Alabama! About laying your life down for Jesus being a beautiful waste.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Yet Another YWAM adventure.. (:
Hey Y'all!
This morning I'm preparing to go down south to Alabama for a week! We have a YWAM conference down there, and I am SO excited!
I'm going to see my cousin Anna and be in some gorgeous mountains for the week!
This week has been great. We had teachings on spiritual warfare. Our speaker was AUSTRALIAN! He had the coolest accent. He answered many questions, yet left me with so many more! It verified for me the reality and intensity of the spiritual realm. There is a battle happening right now for the souls of every person on this world. The one thing that really stuck out to me was this: Satan is not God. That's so obvious, but sometimes we attribute God's characteristics with Satan's finite being. He is NOT everywhere. He cannot read your thoughts. Yes, he has his little minions (demons) working for and under him. Those are the ones that play out most of his attacks. But he is not inside of your head. He cannot read your thoughts, he doesn't have that kind of hold on you! Don't let him convince you of that!
Also this week our speaker gave tons of original Greek/Hebrew word translations! I love that! It's so cool to get the real inside on what the authors were trying to say in there time (:
Well, this weekend has been great! Our small group had a sleepover and our leader's house, and it was so fun! I am so blessed to have these ladies in my life. They are constantly challenging me, loving me and making me laugh. I love them so much!
Highlight of the week: 2 care packages. BOTH had pickles and ranch in them!! I love that my home friends and family knows me so well. <3
Well, I'm out for the week! I'll let you know how the conference was next week!
Love you all!
This morning I'm preparing to go down south to Alabama for a week! We have a YWAM conference down there, and I am SO excited!
I'm going to see my cousin Anna and be in some gorgeous mountains for the week!
This week has been great. We had teachings on spiritual warfare. Our speaker was AUSTRALIAN! He had the coolest accent. He answered many questions, yet left me with so many more! It verified for me the reality and intensity of the spiritual realm. There is a battle happening right now for the souls of every person on this world. The one thing that really stuck out to me was this: Satan is not God. That's so obvious, but sometimes we attribute God's characteristics with Satan's finite being. He is NOT everywhere. He cannot read your thoughts. Yes, he has his little minions (demons) working for and under him. Those are the ones that play out most of his attacks. But he is not inside of your head. He cannot read your thoughts, he doesn't have that kind of hold on you! Don't let him convince you of that!
Also this week our speaker gave tons of original Greek/Hebrew word translations! I love that! It's so cool to get the real inside on what the authors were trying to say in there time (:
Well, this weekend has been great! Our small group had a sleepover and our leader's house, and it was so fun! I am so blessed to have these ladies in my life. They are constantly challenging me, loving me and making me laugh. I love them so much!
Highlight of the week: 2 care packages. BOTH had pickles and ranch in them!! I love that my home friends and family knows me so well. <3
Well, I'm out for the week! I'll let you know how the conference was next week!
Love you all!
Sunday, November 3, 2013
The Father's Heart for Me
"So that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:18-19
This verse pretty much sums up what I have learned this week. So often, we learn about God in the form of Jesus, God in the form of the Holy Spirit. But how often do we miss out on His love for us as a Father?
God's heart for me is as a father's is for his child. His heart is for me. Just as a father delights in His child's happiness, just as he delights in the smiles and dances that are performed for Him, so my Father delights in me.
God cares about the the things that affect my heart. Whether it is something big or something so small, no one else would care.
He loves to take walks with me, He loves seeing the joy written on my face when I see these gorgeous fall trees. He loves when I talk to him and wait for his answer. He delights in that.
When did I lose that? When did I lose the joy of seeing God bless me with little gifts? When did I stop thanking Him for each sunset painted just for me? Each pouring rain to dance in?
But this week He reminded me of His Father love for me.
It's not just the little things He cares about, it's my heart. He uses the little things, the acts of love, the gifts, the whispers in my ear. He uses them to express His love for me.
And as a Father, He wants my heart healed. It breaks His heart to see me broken, living in fear. So, he comes and mends a heart, worn.
This is where the healing is:
Healing is in the tears, that fall down your desert cheeks and bring refreshment to your soul.
Healing is in the sobs, the sobs that rack your body, overtaking you, if only to heal.
Healing is in the comfort, sent by Jesus, as you cry in someone's arms for everything you lost. Healing is in the courage that it takes to confront the brokenness of the past.
Healing is in the forgiveness, even the things you didn't know you needed to forgive.
This week has been fantastic, life-changing and absolutely wonderful. The speaker had me laughing and crying within minutes.
P.S. I like mail! So, you should send me some.
Leah Miller
Youth With A Mission
P.O. Box 22185
Louisville, KY 20252
This verse pretty much sums up what I have learned this week. So often, we learn about God in the form of Jesus, God in the form of the Holy Spirit. But how often do we miss out on His love for us as a Father?
God's heart for me is as a father's is for his child. His heart is for me. Just as a father delights in His child's happiness, just as he delights in the smiles and dances that are performed for Him, so my Father delights in me.
God cares about the the things that affect my heart. Whether it is something big or something so small, no one else would care.
He loves to take walks with me, He loves seeing the joy written on my face when I see these gorgeous fall trees. He loves when I talk to him and wait for his answer. He delights in that.
When did I lose that? When did I lose the joy of seeing God bless me with little gifts? When did I stop thanking Him for each sunset painted just for me? Each pouring rain to dance in?
But this week He reminded me of His Father love for me.
It's not just the little things He cares about, it's my heart. He uses the little things, the acts of love, the gifts, the whispers in my ear. He uses them to express His love for me.
And as a Father, He wants my heart healed. It breaks His heart to see me broken, living in fear. So, he comes and mends a heart, worn.
This is where the healing is:
Healing is in the tears, that fall down your desert cheeks and bring refreshment to your soul.
Healing is in the sobs, the sobs that rack your body, overtaking you, if only to heal.
Healing is in the comfort, sent by Jesus, as you cry in someone's arms for everything you lost. Healing is in the courage that it takes to confront the brokenness of the past.
Healing is in the forgiveness, even the things you didn't know you needed to forgive.
This week has been fantastic, life-changing and absolutely wonderful. The speaker had me laughing and crying within minutes.
P.S. I like mail! So, you should send me some.
Leah Miller
Youth With A Mission
P.O. Box 22185
Louisville, KY 20252
Sunday, October 27, 2013
An Identity Worth Holding
We search, desperate for acceptance, desperate to feel wanted and beautiful. We see, the things of our past that are nails on a chalkboard, the things that define us into something less than standard. We hold onto the false identities, the names, the hurts that have given to us as mask to wear, to hide us. But Jesus calls to us, "Remove the mask. I've made you, fearfully and wonderfully. I know you. I have loved you with an everlasting love." Understanding who we are is hard. Because the voices of pain, judging voices and our own hypocritical eyes leave us huddled in a corner, hiding who we are, who we are meant to be. It leaves us placing a garment of shame upon our hearts, and a mask of identity that is personalityless, storyless, and broken.And we know our identity, it's been told to us a thousand times. You are His. You've been bought with a price. You are loved. You are clothed in righteousness. You are you.
Our minds know the answers, but our hearts are afraid to believe.
But hearing Jesus tell me who I am means so much more. I am completely known by Him. He knows me. Yada is the Greek word. To know: an intermingling of souls. This is used in Genesis when Adam and Eve first came together. It is used in Psalm 139. God knows me completely. He knows who I am because He made me! He knows the things in my heart that I hide deep within, and few people have been given access to. And He comes to capture my heart despite the mask I fashioned for myself and the cloak of shame I try so hard to keep on my heart.
He says "Let me define you. Let me be the one who loves you. I know you. I made you. Fearfully and wonderfully."
He knows my strengths, He knows my weaknesses. He was the one who made me with those. He told me I'm joyful, I'm a pillar of strength, I'm his beloved. I will lead others to Him with my love and joy.
Yet if I live with those masks that define who I've become, if I live with those fears leading my life, I'm in chains. Jesus took the key that I threw in an ocean deep, unlocking my soul. But these shackles lay loosely on my wrists, and I'm bound within the fear what it means to be free. What it means to finally not be frightened of people, to not doubt who I am and what I am capable of becoming, what it means to be limitless, free.
This week has resonated with my soul. I keep remembering a quote from my youth pastor who said "Sometimes, you have to keep telling yourself the truth until your heart believes it."
Every morning, I must wake up, I must tell myself, "I am free." I must tell myself who I am, and I must live from my identity, instead of trying to find my identity.
Daily I must listen to Jesus' voice, resting in the Truth of who I am in Him. Because deeper is the place He wants to take me. To the places of my heart I've hidden from society. The crevices of my heart, hidden even to myself.
He wants my heart, and He doesn't have all of it when I cradle so much to myself.
Daily I must live in the truth, Daily. Freedom has become this place I want to aspire to. Now that I've tasted it, I never want to return. So Daily I will decide, Daily I will choose freedom.
Our minds know the answers, but our hearts are afraid to believe.
But hearing Jesus tell me who I am means so much more. I am completely known by Him. He knows me. Yada is the Greek word. To know: an intermingling of souls. This is used in Genesis when Adam and Eve first came together. It is used in Psalm 139. God knows me completely. He knows who I am because He made me! He knows the things in my heart that I hide deep within, and few people have been given access to. And He comes to capture my heart despite the mask I fashioned for myself and the cloak of shame I try so hard to keep on my heart.
He says "Let me define you. Let me be the one who loves you. I know you. I made you. Fearfully and wonderfully."
He knows my strengths, He knows my weaknesses. He was the one who made me with those. He told me I'm joyful, I'm a pillar of strength, I'm his beloved. I will lead others to Him with my love and joy.
Yet if I live with those masks that define who I've become, if I live with those fears leading my life, I'm in chains. Jesus took the key that I threw in an ocean deep, unlocking my soul. But these shackles lay loosely on my wrists, and I'm bound within the fear what it means to be free. What it means to finally not be frightened of people, to not doubt who I am and what I am capable of becoming, what it means to be limitless, free.
This week has resonated with my soul. I keep remembering a quote from my youth pastor who said "Sometimes, you have to keep telling yourself the truth until your heart believes it."
Every morning, I must wake up, I must tell myself, "I am free." I must tell myself who I am, and I must live from my identity, instead of trying to find my identity.
Daily I must listen to Jesus' voice, resting in the Truth of who I am in Him. Because deeper is the place He wants to take me. To the places of my heart I've hidden from society. The crevices of my heart, hidden even to myself.
He wants my heart, and He doesn't have all of it when I cradle so much to myself.
Daily I must live in the truth, Daily. Freedom has become this place I want to aspire to. Now that I've tasted it, I never want to return. So Daily I will decide, Daily I will choose freedom.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Upon Being Nearly Mauled By Dogs...
This week, because the things I've been learning have been super deep, and super personal, so I'm going to give you a little bit of comic relief.
It's always the simple things that teach me. The simple things that bring me joy. Tonight I took a walk with my lovely friend Carissa. We saw a trail from a distance in the neighborhood we were walking in. We ignored all the signs that it wasn't a legit trail, all the signs that we might possibly be trespassing on private property. So we're not even 10 feet into this trail when we hear dogs barking. We spin around and sprint back to where we came from. These big, frightening dogs are chasing us down a hill, way faster than my failed running abilities. Carissa screams at me "Grab a rock!", while pulling up a massive rock out of the ground. The dogs stopped at these stone boulders, so we figured we had just walked onto someone's property. After hysterically laughing for quite a while, we looked up the hill and realized there was an old couple staring at us.
We probably sounded like we were about to die. Which, technically, we almost could have. The old couple eventually started talking to us. And the gave us a tour of the neighborhood, some history and
we got to share with them what we are doing for this season of life. It was so awesome to see the opportunity God gave us to connect to some locals and even stay in contact with them (:
This week I also started my local ministry. I get to go and serve meals at an emergency family shelter. Then I get to eat with them and hang out with the kids. We got to play Jenga with the kids and just interact and find out about their lives and form relationships.
Yeah, it's been a great week. I've been working through a lot of deep and personal things, and learning more about the heart of God and his everlasting love for me. I love and miss you all! You should be seeing a newsletter from me in the mail soon!
It's always the simple things that teach me. The simple things that bring me joy. Tonight I took a walk with my lovely friend Carissa. We saw a trail from a distance in the neighborhood we were walking in. We ignored all the signs that it wasn't a legit trail, all the signs that we might possibly be trespassing on private property. So we're not even 10 feet into this trail when we hear dogs barking. We spin around and sprint back to where we came from. These big, frightening dogs are chasing us down a hill, way faster than my failed running abilities. Carissa screams at me "Grab a rock!", while pulling up a massive rock out of the ground. The dogs stopped at these stone boulders, so we figured we had just walked onto someone's property. After hysterically laughing for quite a while, we looked up the hill and realized there was an old couple staring at us.
We probably sounded like we were about to die. Which, technically, we almost could have. The old couple eventually started talking to us. And the gave us a tour of the neighborhood, some history and
we got to share with them what we are doing for this season of life. It was so awesome to see the opportunity God gave us to connect to some locals and even stay in contact with them (:
This week I also started my local ministry. I get to go and serve meals at an emergency family shelter. Then I get to eat with them and hang out with the kids. We got to play Jenga with the kids and just interact and find out about their lives and form relationships.
Yeah, it's been a great week. I've been working through a lot of deep and personal things, and learning more about the heart of God and his everlasting love for me. I love and miss you all! You should be seeing a newsletter from me in the mail soon!
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Count the Cost, Find Joy
He was walking home from a long day at work; nothing was making sense, he didn't have any money. His family was starving and he was losing hope. He detoured through this field, and as he was walking, kicking up dust, he stumbled over a hole. As he knelt down to see the whole, he saw something glisten in the sunlight. It was a diamond; but there was more. The whole was deeper. Before he knew it, he realized that he had enough money to buy the field, if he went home and sold everything. He counted the cost. But he didn't count the cost of the things He would need to give up. He counted everything He would gain.
I never understood this parable before. What did Jesus mean? Comparing the kingdom of heaven to a field with treasure in it. Well this week in YWAM we were learning about counting the cost of following Christ.
It's like addition.
Jesus + everything he has to offer = JOY
It will always equal joy.
5+7=12
It will always equal 12.
If you don't come up with that answer you must keep reconfiguring till you get the right answer.
So, if you don't come up with Joy, you haven't added right, because Jesus promised we would come up with Joy.
Jesus has incredible value. If he didn't, why else would Paul say "But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." Paul had it, he understood who he was following and why.
Sometimes I think so easily we lose who we are following, we go through the motions and forget why exactly we strive to follow this Christ. So, who is he and why should we follow this man?
The all perfect, all glorious, all holy Son sat next to His Father through Creation. He watched the Creation that they had poured their everything to, turn their backs. Sin had entered the world. And it shattered his heart, because He knew what it meant. He was holy, sin could not be in his presence. He was wrathful, He had to destroy the wicked. He was God, he had to be just. But, He was love. And love couldn't do that. Love couldn't leave his creation. Love had to provide a way. So He chose a nation, of which he would bless and love and save. But still, they turned their backs, still they failed to see what He was truly offering.
So God the Father, enthroned above all, fully wrathful, fully loving, turned to His Son and said "You must go. You must save their souls."
So Jesus, being fully God, left heaven to be born in a manger and die on a cross. But that isn't want brings me to my knees. Because being born is easy, and everyone must die. It is the daily mundane, the grueling that He faced, that brings me completely to my knees.
He walked through life. Those days that you wake up and you look across the room with absolutely no desire to awaken and arise out of bed, He faced. Those days when your heart is broken the idea of 'keep on moving,' seems like Hell. The days you are tempted beyond what you can bear. He bore that weight. Those days when someone you love dies. He faced.
But the crazy, inspiring part, is that He faced these days with Joy. With a purpose. With humility.
His best friend John died. His cousin, the one he was connected to even in the womb. His head was cut off. Jesus went off, fighting tears, to be alone and mourn as any of us would have. But the people came, as they always did. He didn't yell or complain. He healed their sick and had compassion on them. And when the day was coming to a close and the people were hungry. He divided fish and bread enough to feel the four thousand. Then, when the people were satisfied, when the deeper need was fulfilled, he went on to mourn.
What brings me to my knees is that simple fact that He loved, He put himself aside even when He deserved to be focused on Himself. He was God, How much more should I do that?
In being led to the cross, he had every right to prove to the scoffers jeering at him that He was GOD. But He chose not to for the very people crucifying Him. He had no one, his best friends ran, Peter denied, his followers screamed with the crowd "CRUCIFY HIM!" His own Father turned his back because He couldn't bear to see the sin in His holiness. When the entire sin-weight of humanity fell upon His shoulders, he cried out "My God, My God, Why have You forsaken me?" Jesus was the only one to ever feel God forsake him in living.
The weight of our sin killed him.
The joy of His Love saved us.
The moment God's wrath and God's love met, was the most beautiful, most ugly day in history. The Savior of the world died, and God turned his back to the sin. 3 days later, He rose from the dead. He rose to verify what He had done. And He didn't just go to his disciples. He didn't just go to the 12 men who had become his best friends. He told them to spread the word. To "Go and Make disciples." And that is how you and I know Jesus as our Savior. THAT is the type of God we are worshipping. That is the value we are giving everything up for.
So, one morning when I took a really long walk and counted the value of Christ, I knew why I was serving Him. I'm not just going to love people, and satisfy their temporary needs. I'm going to tell them about their Savior, the one who redeemed my life directly from the pits of Hell. Who saves me from the cancer of pride. He is the one I worship and I want everyone to know.
So no longer is it about the things I must give up to serve the God in heaven, It has become who Jesus is+ gratitude for what He has done for me
and that can only lead me to JOY.
This is what turns me into that man who couldn't wait to go home and sell everything He owned. He joyfully ran to his wife and children and gave up EVERYTHING. That is what turns me into someone absolutely desperate for more of Him, totally surrendered and willing to give up everything I own for more of God. This is what makes me a Christ-follower.
I never understood this parable before. What did Jesus mean? Comparing the kingdom of heaven to a field with treasure in it. Well this week in YWAM we were learning about counting the cost of following Christ.
It's like addition.
Jesus + everything he has to offer = JOY
It will always equal joy.
5+7=12
It will always equal 12.
If you don't come up with that answer you must keep reconfiguring till you get the right answer.
So, if you don't come up with Joy, you haven't added right, because Jesus promised we would come up with Joy.
Jesus has incredible value. If he didn't, why else would Paul say "But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." Paul had it, he understood who he was following and why.
Sometimes I think so easily we lose who we are following, we go through the motions and forget why exactly we strive to follow this Christ. So, who is he and why should we follow this man?
The all perfect, all glorious, all holy Son sat next to His Father through Creation. He watched the Creation that they had poured their everything to, turn their backs. Sin had entered the world. And it shattered his heart, because He knew what it meant. He was holy, sin could not be in his presence. He was wrathful, He had to destroy the wicked. He was God, he had to be just. But, He was love. And love couldn't do that. Love couldn't leave his creation. Love had to provide a way. So He chose a nation, of which he would bless and love and save. But still, they turned their backs, still they failed to see what He was truly offering.
So God the Father, enthroned above all, fully wrathful, fully loving, turned to His Son and said "You must go. You must save their souls."
So Jesus, being fully God, left heaven to be born in a manger and die on a cross. But that isn't want brings me to my knees. Because being born is easy, and everyone must die. It is the daily mundane, the grueling that He faced, that brings me completely to my knees.
He walked through life. Those days that you wake up and you look across the room with absolutely no desire to awaken and arise out of bed, He faced. Those days when your heart is broken the idea of 'keep on moving,' seems like Hell. The days you are tempted beyond what you can bear. He bore that weight. Those days when someone you love dies. He faced.
But the crazy, inspiring part, is that He faced these days with Joy. With a purpose. With humility.
His best friend John died. His cousin, the one he was connected to even in the womb. His head was cut off. Jesus went off, fighting tears, to be alone and mourn as any of us would have. But the people came, as they always did. He didn't yell or complain. He healed their sick and had compassion on them. And when the day was coming to a close and the people were hungry. He divided fish and bread enough to feel the four thousand. Then, when the people were satisfied, when the deeper need was fulfilled, he went on to mourn.
What brings me to my knees is that simple fact that He loved, He put himself aside even when He deserved to be focused on Himself. He was God, How much more should I do that?
In being led to the cross, he had every right to prove to the scoffers jeering at him that He was GOD. But He chose not to for the very people crucifying Him. He had no one, his best friends ran, Peter denied, his followers screamed with the crowd "CRUCIFY HIM!" His own Father turned his back because He couldn't bear to see the sin in His holiness. When the entire sin-weight of humanity fell upon His shoulders, he cried out "My God, My God, Why have You forsaken me?" Jesus was the only one to ever feel God forsake him in living.
The weight of our sin killed him.
The joy of His Love saved us.
The moment God's wrath and God's love met, was the most beautiful, most ugly day in history. The Savior of the world died, and God turned his back to the sin. 3 days later, He rose from the dead. He rose to verify what He had done. And He didn't just go to his disciples. He didn't just go to the 12 men who had become his best friends. He told them to spread the word. To "Go and Make disciples." And that is how you and I know Jesus as our Savior. THAT is the type of God we are worshipping. That is the value we are giving everything up for.
So, one morning when I took a really long walk and counted the value of Christ, I knew why I was serving Him. I'm not just going to love people, and satisfy their temporary needs. I'm going to tell them about their Savior, the one who redeemed my life directly from the pits of Hell. Who saves me from the cancer of pride. He is the one I worship and I want everyone to know.
So no longer is it about the things I must give up to serve the God in heaven, It has become who Jesus is+ gratitude for what He has done for me
and that can only lead me to JOY.
This is what turns me into that man who couldn't wait to go home and sell everything He owned. He joyfully ran to his wife and children and gave up EVERYTHING. That is what turns me into someone absolutely desperate for more of Him, totally surrendered and willing to give up everything I own for more of God. This is what makes me a Christ-follower.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Deer, Getting Lost and Rainbows
Today during my quiet time, God taught me so much.
I was taking a walk in a new neighborhood I haven't explored yet (by the way, the neighborhood I live in is SO rich. One person has a tennis/basketball court in their backyard.) So yeah, when I wasn't getting distracted by the super big, gorgeous houses, this is what God taught me:
As I was walking I saw 4 deer in someone's front yard. I then thought of Psalm 42.
I was taking a walk in a new neighborhood I haven't explored yet (by the way, the neighborhood I live in is SO rich. One person has a tennis/basketball court in their backyard.) So yeah, when I wasn't getting distracted by the super big, gorgeous houses, this is what God taught me:
As I was walking I saw 4 deer in someone's front yard. I then thought of Psalm 42.
As the deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, Oh God.
God's already been teaching me and showing me all week how I need to be desperate for Him. As a deer pants for the water, as a dehydrated man searches endlessly for water, so my soul must thirst for God, the Giver of Living Water.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
How often am I desperate for God, or do I just long for the things He offers me? I want to be in a place where I am desperately pursuing the Word of God, devouring it like I've been fasting for days.
Deep calls to deep,
at the roar of your waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves
have gone before me.
By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.
By day, God commands his love for me. His unchanging Spirit. He commands it to me so that I won't lose it during the hectic days. By night, his song is within me to remind me, faithfully, that His love never fails, even when it's dark. Even when the only thing I hear is the distant song that He gives to me in the dry seasons, the tragic seasons, and the broken. His song becomes my prayer in the night.
As I was walking in the unfamiliar neighborhood, I kept turning on new roads, and eventually realized I needed to head back but not to sure how to get there. I ran into a kind lady who thankfully explained to me how to get back to my road. Through this God showed me my need for people in my life to guide me through. I get so caught up in the roads I go on, I get starstruck by the fancy things, and lose direction. But God gives us people in our lives to direct us and guide us for a season. I must learn not to turn down the offers of help and love.
The last thing that God showed me was a rainbow. No rain, sun was shining, and there was a rainbow. Rainbows have always had significant meaning in my life. God was promising me something, He was promising me that even though it's sunny and life is wonderful, His promises are still relevant in my life. He will still be ever with me through what I must learn to walk through in the next few months. He will hold my heart as I walk through unfaced emotions and unfelt pain. He promises so that I can trust.
So yeah, this week has been great. We've been learning about relationships, which is amazing. God is teaching me that I need to learn how to have friendships with guys. Also, he has just been reminding me why I made my commitment to purity so many years ago. I wish I could have you hear the teachings I've heard this week, because it really makes me understand why God wants such a union saved only for marriage. He puts a protective circle around married couples which the devil can't get into unless the couple allows it. But so much hurt and heartache comes in without the protective circle. We've been learning that God made attraction, and about the words in the Bible for sexual immorality such as lasciviousness, concupiscence and fornication. These words mean lust and preoccupied by the opposite sex, and to stir up desires in yourself that cannot be fulfilled righteously.
I've been building some amazing friendships with some amazing girls. God is really just teaching me so much this week. I love it. Today I went to my first prom. It was a prom for mentally disabled people and we just got to dance with them and love on them. It was so fun.
I miss you all!
Monday, September 30, 2013
A day in the life at YWAM
Well, it is the start of week #2 at YWAM Louisville. I love it. I'm being challenged so much in my faith, not only with the speakers but in my personal Bible study. I live in a huge house full of 34 girls! Which is super fun, it's a party all the time (:
I want to give you a look into my daily schedule.
I wake up at (preferably 6:30) but it's been 7 lately. Eat some breakfast, which at times has turned into cheez-its or mac and cheese. At 7:30 we have quiet time for an hour. I've done various things with this time, take prayer walks, studied my Bible or just rested in God's presence.
At the end of this the vans pick us up to take us to the church where we have classes. Most mornings we have classes. Wednesdays though, we have an hour worship before classes which is awesome. Then we have lunch and more afternoon classes. Some days we also have intercessory prayer for the nations, praying for nations we could be visiting or problems facing the world today. Really whatever God lays on our hearts. 2 days out of the week we have small group, which I'm excited to get more involved in. Evenings have been free for homework, hanging out, or shopping for snacks :P I can't wait to learn more of what God will teach me. On Thursday I will be starting local ministry. We haven't been told exactly what that is yet, but I am so excited!!
I think one of the most important aspects I've loved is the relationships I've been forming. God knows how much my heart needs friendships and relationships, he has completely blessed me with the friends he's given. I can already feel life long friends forming. Friendships built on conversations about God are probably the best ones.
So that is a little excerpt into a day in YWAM. Any questions? Comment or email me! I'd love to tell you more personally about my experiences.
I want to give you a look into my daily schedule.
I wake up at (preferably 6:30) but it's been 7 lately. Eat some breakfast, which at times has turned into cheez-its or mac and cheese. At 7:30 we have quiet time for an hour. I've done various things with this time, take prayer walks, studied my Bible or just rested in God's presence.
At the end of this the vans pick us up to take us to the church where we have classes. Most mornings we have classes. Wednesdays though, we have an hour worship before classes which is awesome. Then we have lunch and more afternoon classes. Some days we also have intercessory prayer for the nations, praying for nations we could be visiting or problems facing the world today. Really whatever God lays on our hearts. 2 days out of the week we have small group, which I'm excited to get more involved in. Evenings have been free for homework, hanging out, or shopping for snacks :P I can't wait to learn more of what God will teach me. On Thursday I will be starting local ministry. We haven't been told exactly what that is yet, but I am so excited!!
I think one of the most important aspects I've loved is the relationships I've been forming. God knows how much my heart needs friendships and relationships, he has completely blessed me with the friends he's given. I can already feel life long friends forming. Friendships built on conversations about God are probably the best ones.
So that is a little excerpt into a day in YWAM. Any questions? Comment or email me! I'd love to tell you more personally about my experiences.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Pride, Filthy Rags and Surrender
How often am I prideful? How often does my heart covet after things I don't have? How often have I stolen Christ's crown, his glory, for my own. I hold his crown and take the things that define me.The things I place on the alter of self. "Look, God, look at my gifts I bring you." He looks me in the eyes and says "filthy rags."
"But God, don't you see what I've done for you, how I changed their life?"
"Filthy Rags."
I steal his glory and offer it to Him like I have something good to bring. Something that will benefit our relationship. He says, "Filthy Rags."
Everything I try to bring is a filthy rag. Every heart I think I change, I steal his glory. Who am I to take it?
As I'm laying on the cross, hands ready to be driven with nails. Jesus comes and lifts me up, lays himself down and says, "Child, watch."
I watch as my sins nail him to the cross. I watch as my sin, the sin of stealing Christ's own glory, I watch as He dies in my place. I'm in a place of endless forgiveness, as I watch the things I did carelessly, the friends I hurt recklessly, all the sins I've done lain upon my Savior and He says "I forgive you. I want none of your filthy rags, they are nothing to me. I want none of the things you think you have to offer. I want an empty you, so I can fill you up. You will be righteous only by my blood. Let me soften your heart."
This leads to the surrender.
God will bring up hurts in your life you thought you had healed from. It will be hard. Today, through strange circumstances, God brought up pain I had suppressed. He let me grieve. I'm not sure I cried harder than I did today. All my unanswered questions came out and I asked 'Why?'
This is going to be a season of surrender. It's going to be a season of confronting the hard things, the convicting things. But it will be worth it. God will show me things like pride, I never thought I'd need to confront. He will walk me through grief. He will transform me.
"But God, don't you see what I've done for you, how I changed their life?"
"Filthy Rags."
I steal his glory and offer it to Him like I have something good to bring. Something that will benefit our relationship. He says, "Filthy Rags."
Everything I try to bring is a filthy rag. Every heart I think I change, I steal his glory. Who am I to take it?
As I'm laying on the cross, hands ready to be driven with nails. Jesus comes and lifts me up, lays himself down and says, "Child, watch."
I watch as my sins nail him to the cross. I watch as my sin, the sin of stealing Christ's own glory, I watch as He dies in my place. I'm in a place of endless forgiveness, as I watch the things I did carelessly, the friends I hurt recklessly, all the sins I've done lain upon my Savior and He says "I forgive you. I want none of your filthy rags, they are nothing to me. I want none of the things you think you have to offer. I want an empty you, so I can fill you up. You will be righteous only by my blood. Let me soften your heart."
This leads to the surrender.
God will bring up hurts in your life you thought you had healed from. It will be hard. Today, through strange circumstances, God brought up pain I had suppressed. He let me grieve. I'm not sure I cried harder than I did today. All my unanswered questions came out and I asked 'Why?'
This is going to be a season of surrender. It's going to be a season of confronting the hard things, the convicting things. But it will be worth it. God will show me things like pride, I never thought I'd need to confront. He will walk me through grief. He will transform me.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Time is a Thief, Time is a Giver
So many farewells, So many faces I must say goodbye to. So many friends I must walk away from, knowing how much distance will strain the proximity of our hearts. Time is a thief, trespassing into my days, stealing them away, in front of my eyes, and there is nothing I can do. So many things to do, in so little days, so little hours. Time dances moments in front of you, and you hold on so tight. But soon, the moment dissipates and the memory becomes hazy. The companion you were dancing with has gone. The friend you were hugging is only an impression on your mind. Time is a thief, but he is also a giver. He leaves us these gaps to fill, hearts to love, places to go, and beauty to see.
He takes so much, and it could leave us tremendously bitter, it could leave us with open wounds that are endlessly bleeding. But if we don't look and see, we will miss how time can leave us feeling miraculously alive, with scars etched in love and joy beating in our hearts that have felt the butterflies of fear and that have been pursued by unconditional Love Himself. Time allows us to say, "My cup has overflown."
Time teaches us to be thankful for what we have. He shows us just how easily it can be taken away. Just how shallow our breaths really are. That we are shadows, fading flowers, here for a moment, a blink, a breath.
Time grants us the moments that take our breath away. The moments we feel immortal. The moments in which we struggle to breathe from the amount of love and joy weighing on our hearts. The pain and the sorrow that are remarkably insignificant to the infinitely amazing emotions we feel, we breathe, we see.
Time grounds us to the important things. The things that in the end will be the only things left. It provides a catharsis for the trivial pursuits and the meaningless banter leaving us with the important. God, faith, family and friends.
Time gives the future. A place to dream of, A place to linger a little longer in your dreams. Time gives the present. A place to be intentional. Time gives the past to remind you of where you've been and what it took to get you here.
Time is many things, thief being the only downfall to his character. He gives an infinite amount of moments and as an old Cherokee man told me once, the moments are all we have been given. Use these moments, these precious gifts from God Himself, to give, and only receive the blessings of an overflowing cup. To love, infinitely, so it blinds eyes to hate, and they will only see Love. To laugh, until your sides hurt and tears are streaming down your face. To cry, but never so much that you despair. Cry but never lose your Hope. Cry but feel the joy in your heart also.
Never hate time, Time is a gift of God. Time is God telling us how mortal we are. How broken we are. How sinful. Time is God's gift, he sacrificed His infinite Time to love a finite race infinitely. He is not confined by Time yet he placed himself in time for us who are so bound by it. Thank you to my infinite God who has loved my finite heart so infinitely.
He takes so much, and it could leave us tremendously bitter, it could leave us with open wounds that are endlessly bleeding. But if we don't look and see, we will miss how time can leave us feeling miraculously alive, with scars etched in love and joy beating in our hearts that have felt the butterflies of fear and that have been pursued by unconditional Love Himself. Time allows us to say, "My cup has overflown."
Time teaches us to be thankful for what we have. He shows us just how easily it can be taken away. Just how shallow our breaths really are. That we are shadows, fading flowers, here for a moment, a blink, a breath.
Time grants us the moments that take our breath away. The moments we feel immortal. The moments in which we struggle to breathe from the amount of love and joy weighing on our hearts. The pain and the sorrow that are remarkably insignificant to the infinitely amazing emotions we feel, we breathe, we see.
Time grounds us to the important things. The things that in the end will be the only things left. It provides a catharsis for the trivial pursuits and the meaningless banter leaving us with the important. God, faith, family and friends.
Time gives the future. A place to dream of, A place to linger a little longer in your dreams. Time gives the present. A place to be intentional. Time gives the past to remind you of where you've been and what it took to get you here.
Time is many things, thief being the only downfall to his character. He gives an infinite amount of moments and as an old Cherokee man told me once, the moments are all we have been given. Use these moments, these precious gifts from God Himself, to give, and only receive the blessings of an overflowing cup. To love, infinitely, so it blinds eyes to hate, and they will only see Love. To laugh, until your sides hurt and tears are streaming down your face. To cry, but never so much that you despair. Cry but never lose your Hope. Cry but feel the joy in your heart also.
Never hate time, Time is a gift of God. Time is God telling us how mortal we are. How broken we are. How sinful. Time is God's gift, he sacrificed His infinite Time to love a finite race infinitely. He is not confined by Time yet he placed himself in time for us who are so bound by it. Thank you to my infinite God who has loved my finite heart so infinitely.
Monday, August 26, 2013
YWAM- An overview of my next 6 months.
And so, the summer has ended just as I prayed it would not. My friends have left for college. Our lives are beginning. We have these empty slates to fill, whole chapters to write, revision isn't an option. Although it felt like I shut the cover of a book, saying goodbye to my best friends, I know I'm merely turning a page and God has so much more planned.
I'd like to tell you a little about the next adventure I'm about to embark on. In a few short weeks I will be leaving for a program called Youth With a Mission (YWAM). The first 3 months of my school (Discipleship Training School) will be a lecture phase in Louisville, Kentucky, of delving into the word of God and strengthening my relationship with Christ. During this time I will also be doing local outreaches, such as afterschool tutoring, helping in homeless shelters, etc. The second phase of the program is Outreach. I will be traveling to another country on a 6 weeks mission trip. The place is currently unknown, but I know God has it planned out just perfectly.
During this time you can support me in two ways. The first is Prayer. Prayer will be a huge support, I ask that you will pray for my focus and growing relationship with Christ. I ask that you pray that God will direct and guide me to the next steps in my life. I will keep you updated along the way of more specific prayer requests.
A second way you can help me is financially. The first half is a pay your way type of thing. But during my outreach phase I will be sending out letters for prayer and financial support. If you would like to receive an update letter, send me your address to my email/facebook.
During the next six months I will keep this blog updated of my travels and adventures, letting you know what God is doing in my life and in the ministries I will be involved in. If you have any questions, send me an email! Thank you in advance for all the love and support I know you do/will give!
I'd like to tell you a little about the next adventure I'm about to embark on. In a few short weeks I will be leaving for a program called Youth With a Mission (YWAM). The first 3 months of my school (Discipleship Training School) will be a lecture phase in Louisville, Kentucky, of delving into the word of God and strengthening my relationship with Christ. During this time I will also be doing local outreaches, such as afterschool tutoring, helping in homeless shelters, etc. The second phase of the program is Outreach. I will be traveling to another country on a 6 weeks mission trip. The place is currently unknown, but I know God has it planned out just perfectly.
During this time you can support me in two ways. The first is Prayer. Prayer will be a huge support, I ask that you will pray for my focus and growing relationship with Christ. I ask that you pray that God will direct and guide me to the next steps in my life. I will keep you updated along the way of more specific prayer requests.
A second way you can help me is financially. The first half is a pay your way type of thing. But during my outreach phase I will be sending out letters for prayer and financial support. If you would like to receive an update letter, send me your address to my email/facebook.
During the next six months I will keep this blog updated of my travels and adventures, letting you know what God is doing in my life and in the ministries I will be involved in. If you have any questions, send me an email! Thank you in advance for all the love and support I know you do/will give!
Friday, August 2, 2013
Grace
She's standing there, lost and helpless. Like the last leaf that floats off the tree the moment before the icy winter. Yet she scampers off, even though help has arrived, even though her rescue is finally here. Oh how many times I've done this.
Today I rescued a kitten. It's funny how God uses the strangest of circumstances to remind us of such precious truths, to again paint a picture on my hearts of His never ending love for me.
As I was walking through the painful brush, pushing aside limbs that intended to attack me at all costs and ankle deep mud which smelled of oil, I didn't have a clue of what hopeless animal I was about to discover. (I was hoping a cat, because if it had been anything else..) Her cry was so pitiful, so loud, and relentless. And when I finally arrived, she was standing there, lost and helpless. Like the last leaf that floats off the tree the moment before an icy winter hits the hearts of those waiting with such dread. Yet she scampers off, even though help has arrived, even though her rescue is finally here. But with patient love, we allured her back to us and she walked to my outstretched hands. As I was carrying her back home, covered in dirt, I realized this is exactly what Christ has done for us.
He came into the world, walked the dusty roads and felt the painful brush.
Firsthand, he felt the grief of death and the desolate emptiness it brings, he tasted the saltiness of tears and how much they hurt our hearts yet cleanse our souls. He was attacked by the limbs of men who intended to hurt Him, break Him, and murder Him, without guiltily looking back. He trudged through the mud of this dirty world, and He did it without disgust, or ever turning His face aside.
He hears our pitiful and weak cries. We don't even know who we are calling for, but our hearts are broken and empty, so we cry, hoping someone will look past our smiles and save us. And when He finally arrives, in all that holy splendor, in all that love, so gentle, we turn and we run, because so long have we cried, yet so long have we hid our tears. So long have we called for help, but so long have we turned down offer after offer. But Jesus doesn't stop pursuing us, we still cry and we see His outstretched arms. Something inside us tells us to give in, because never before has anyone stooped so low, and so far we were into the mess we have made. So lost, we had given up hope. But there are forces on the outside luring us with temporary fixes. Little do we know how much these damages our fragile hearts.
When she was finally in my arms, the walk home was long, and she was anxious. Occasionally she would cry out. This is also like us. We are finally in Christ's arms, and he says "In this world you will have trouble but take heart I have over come the world." He tells us to wait because He is "Going to prepare a place for us." And we cry out because the wait is long and we just want to be free. We just want this tear-stricken world to end. We long for Home. Yet Christ promises us, "soon, my child, soon."
It's funny the tiny lessons God gives that we can miss if we rush through life.
Grace is a tiny ember,
that floats away from a burning.
This tiny ember floats away from the fire,
landing on unsuspecting kindling.
A heart caught in the unaware.
A heart so dark.
But this ember is Light.
And Light is not bound by darkness,
The ember touches,
makes contact
with the unsuspecting,
and a wildfire is set ablaze.
A wildfire is not contained,
it is not safe,
it is reckless.
Grace is a wildfire.
When caught we're all consumed.
Consumed by Love,
for grace is a whirlwind of love and forgiveness.
for grace is birthed from a mercy,
a mercy that would sacrifice,
a mercy that loves.
Grace returns
when the wildfire grows dim,
when the world tries to dowse our sparks.
Grace lingers
when the darkness attempts to drown us,
but even the smallest flame lights up a room.
Grace is here,
when my heart believes it is me who saves,
it is me who is strong.
Grace is sufficient,
when carrying on feels a mountainous,
impossible task.
Grace is sufficient,
to light up the darkness,
to be merciful,
and to love.
Grace is a wildfire,
and I have been consumed.
Today I rescued a kitten. It's funny how God uses the strangest of circumstances to remind us of such precious truths, to again paint a picture on my hearts of His never ending love for me.
As I was walking through the painful brush, pushing aside limbs that intended to attack me at all costs and ankle deep mud which smelled of oil, I didn't have a clue of what hopeless animal I was about to discover. (I was hoping a cat, because if it had been anything else..) Her cry was so pitiful, so loud, and relentless. And when I finally arrived, she was standing there, lost and helpless. Like the last leaf that floats off the tree the moment before an icy winter hits the hearts of those waiting with such dread. Yet she scampers off, even though help has arrived, even though her rescue is finally here. But with patient love, we allured her back to us and she walked to my outstretched hands. As I was carrying her back home, covered in dirt, I realized this is exactly what Christ has done for us.
He came into the world, walked the dusty roads and felt the painful brush.
Firsthand, he felt the grief of death and the desolate emptiness it brings, he tasted the saltiness of tears and how much they hurt our hearts yet cleanse our souls. He was attacked by the limbs of men who intended to hurt Him, break Him, and murder Him, without guiltily looking back. He trudged through the mud of this dirty world, and He did it without disgust, or ever turning His face aside.
He hears our pitiful and weak cries. We don't even know who we are calling for, but our hearts are broken and empty, so we cry, hoping someone will look past our smiles and save us. And when He finally arrives, in all that holy splendor, in all that love, so gentle, we turn and we run, because so long have we cried, yet so long have we hid our tears. So long have we called for help, but so long have we turned down offer after offer. But Jesus doesn't stop pursuing us, we still cry and we see His outstretched arms. Something inside us tells us to give in, because never before has anyone stooped so low, and so far we were into the mess we have made. So lost, we had given up hope. But there are forces on the outside luring us with temporary fixes. Little do we know how much these damages our fragile hearts.
When she was finally in my arms, the walk home was long, and she was anxious. Occasionally she would cry out. This is also like us. We are finally in Christ's arms, and he says "In this world you will have trouble but take heart I have over come the world." He tells us to wait because He is "Going to prepare a place for us." And we cry out because the wait is long and we just want to be free. We just want this tear-stricken world to end. We long for Home. Yet Christ promises us, "soon, my child, soon."
It's funny the tiny lessons God gives that we can miss if we rush through life.
Grace is a tiny ember,
that floats away from a burning.
This tiny ember floats away from the fire,
landing on unsuspecting kindling.
A heart caught in the unaware.
A heart so dark.
But this ember is Light.
And Light is not bound by darkness,
The ember touches,
makes contact
with the unsuspecting,
and a wildfire is set ablaze.
A wildfire is not contained,
it is not safe,
it is reckless.
Grace is a wildfire.
When caught we're all consumed.
Consumed by Love,
for grace is a whirlwind of love and forgiveness.
for grace is birthed from a mercy,
a mercy that would sacrifice,
a mercy that loves.
Grace returns
when the wildfire grows dim,
when the world tries to dowse our sparks.
Grace lingers
when the darkness attempts to drown us,
but even the smallest flame lights up a room.
Grace is here,
when my heart believes it is me who saves,
it is me who is strong.
Grace is sufficient,
when carrying on feels a mountainous,
impossible task.
Grace is sufficient,
to light up the darkness,
to be merciful,
and to love.
Grace is a wildfire,
and I have been consumed.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
A Simple Faith
Why in the crazy of life, and frantic schedules, do we lose the simplicity of faith?
We hold our heads high basking in our wisdom of big words and elaborate explanations. We lose the simple knowledge of faith from a child's heart.
God is good is only a phrase at the beginning of our meal, losing the power. And Jesus loves me is a song we've heard one too many times. We're ready for more.
But God is good, and this is something that needs to be understood and held onto. Sometimes trying to make a child understand who God is, helps you see more clearly. We get blinded by the names we assign to God, and we fail to see who He really is. We tell the children he is mighty, and he created the stars and the universe. We tell them, he takes a dirty heart and washes it white as snow. We say that He has the power to bring fire to logs that are soaked, not flammable. We tell them of a man named Zaccheaus who longed to see Jesus, but he was already seen. We tell the story of a broken, sinful woman who was forgiven of her sins. But do we understand the AWEsome power in these stories? Do we realize that with one word, one thought, one breath, God really did create every light in the sky, every planet miles about our heads? Do we understand that Jesus stepped into our putrid, sinful world, and instead of being rightfully disgusted, he turned to us with eyes of compassion? Do we comprehend that after he offered this compassion, he allowed the men He came to save drive nails into his hands, and beat Him until his bones were showing, and there was barely any blood pulsing through his broken body? Do we understand that this blood was drained to make us clean forever? Do we get the fact that our God is so incredibly awesome and powerful that he sent fire from heaven to prove Him God? To prove to the people that He had revealed himself again and again that He was still God? That their worthless idols could care less about the sacrifices they offered? Do we realize that Jesus looked at a hungry, sinful man, hated and despised, and ate dinner with Him? He saw what the crowd didn't, He loved who the crowd loathed. He forgave the unforgivable. He saved the dead. Do we understand that Jesus knows everything about us, our darkest secrets, and still he offers us the Living Water to make us whole again?
I don't think we understand this. Because if we did, we would forever live in debt. We wouldn't struggle with jealousy. We wouldn't hopelessly try and figure out our 'calling,' because we would know that all we were ever meant to do was love as Jesus would. We would know that God's will for our life is to be a light in a very dark place. To shine so bright that people would know that we belong to Him. If we understood this, if we really wrapped our tiny brains around this endless truth, I think our world would be a far different place.
I caught a glimpse of that place in Cherokee, North Carolina, when these were the lessons we taught the kids, and God taught us that He is good in their response and their playful games, and that He is good when we feared the death of one we loved and too many tears fell one Thursday evening after service. God is good in our tears and in our joys. God is good in our love and in our failures. God is good, despite the brokenness of the homes and of the children of Cherokee. Because our God is a God who can move mountains, but instead He's moving the people in the Cherokee mountains. He's moving the mountains of hurt in their hearts, so they can feel his love. We serve an awesome God. We serve a good God. God taught me that He loves his children so much. So much more than I could ever love them, that separation is hard, but God loves them so much more and they are in His hands and I need not worry.
I wonder if I fully understood this truth if everyday would be filled with as much love and passion as a missions trip is. I wonder if we could bring back the unity that was shared, if we could pray together more often, if each face with came into contact with was just as special as the ones in North Carolina. I wonder if we took the advice of an old Cherokee man to heart, just how different we would be. He said "Sometimes the best prayer you can say is 'Thank you.' And mean it. Because we have the moments. We only have the moments." If we took advantage of each of those moments, our world might see so much more Jesus. I want to live with the simplicity of the message of God is good and Jesus loves me, and I want the world to taste and I want the world to see that He is good. All the time.
We hold our heads high basking in our wisdom of big words and elaborate explanations. We lose the simple knowledge of faith from a child's heart.
God is good is only a phrase at the beginning of our meal, losing the power. And Jesus loves me is a song we've heard one too many times. We're ready for more.
But God is good, and this is something that needs to be understood and held onto. Sometimes trying to make a child understand who God is, helps you see more clearly. We get blinded by the names we assign to God, and we fail to see who He really is. We tell the children he is mighty, and he created the stars and the universe. We tell them, he takes a dirty heart and washes it white as snow. We say that He has the power to bring fire to logs that are soaked, not flammable. We tell them of a man named Zaccheaus who longed to see Jesus, but he was already seen. We tell the story of a broken, sinful woman who was forgiven of her sins. But do we understand the AWEsome power in these stories? Do we realize that with one word, one thought, one breath, God really did create every light in the sky, every planet miles about our heads? Do we understand that Jesus stepped into our putrid, sinful world, and instead of being rightfully disgusted, he turned to us with eyes of compassion? Do we comprehend that after he offered this compassion, he allowed the men He came to save drive nails into his hands, and beat Him until his bones were showing, and there was barely any blood pulsing through his broken body? Do we understand that this blood was drained to make us clean forever? Do we get the fact that our God is so incredibly awesome and powerful that he sent fire from heaven to prove Him God? To prove to the people that He had revealed himself again and again that He was still God? That their worthless idols could care less about the sacrifices they offered? Do we realize that Jesus looked at a hungry, sinful man, hated and despised, and ate dinner with Him? He saw what the crowd didn't, He loved who the crowd loathed. He forgave the unforgivable. He saved the dead. Do we understand that Jesus knows everything about us, our darkest secrets, and still he offers us the Living Water to make us whole again?
I don't think we understand this. Because if we did, we would forever live in debt. We wouldn't struggle with jealousy. We wouldn't hopelessly try and figure out our 'calling,' because we would know that all we were ever meant to do was love as Jesus would. We would know that God's will for our life is to be a light in a very dark place. To shine so bright that people would know that we belong to Him. If we understood this, if we really wrapped our tiny brains around this endless truth, I think our world would be a far different place.
I caught a glimpse of that place in Cherokee, North Carolina, when these were the lessons we taught the kids, and God taught us that He is good in their response and their playful games, and that He is good when we feared the death of one we loved and too many tears fell one Thursday evening after service. God is good in our tears and in our joys. God is good in our love and in our failures. God is good, despite the brokenness of the homes and of the children of Cherokee. Because our God is a God who can move mountains, but instead He's moving the people in the Cherokee mountains. He's moving the mountains of hurt in their hearts, so they can feel his love. We serve an awesome God. We serve a good God. God taught me that He loves his children so much. So much more than I could ever love them, that separation is hard, but God loves them so much more and they are in His hands and I need not worry.
I wonder if I fully understood this truth if everyday would be filled with as much love and passion as a missions trip is. I wonder if we could bring back the unity that was shared, if we could pray together more often, if each face with came into contact with was just as special as the ones in North Carolina. I wonder if we took the advice of an old Cherokee man to heart, just how different we would be. He said "Sometimes the best prayer you can say is 'Thank you.' And mean it. Because we have the moments. We only have the moments." If we took advantage of each of those moments, our world might see so much more Jesus. I want to live with the simplicity of the message of God is good and Jesus loves me, and I want the world to taste and I want the world to see that He is good. All the time.
Friday, July 5, 2013
Restless
So restless. Because I do and never stop. So restless. Because when I stop my heart is still racing the speed of light. So restless. Because rest is just too hard. So restless. Because I want what I've done to be seen. I am restless until I rest in Him..;
Luke 10:28-42 "As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
Mary has chosen what is better. Mary has chosen rest. Mary has chosen to bask in the wisdom, in the love, in the presence of God himself. Mary has chosen grace. I want to be Mary.
But I run so much, I love the feel of the wind on my face as I constantly do. I work so hard, I build such a facade, I wear such a stiff mask. I am Mary. I am distracted by everything that must be done, everything I want to do in the short span of 24 hours in a day. I thank God for the gifts he's given me. For friendship, for love, for a house, for my faith. But I fail to ask him for the greatest gift he can offer me. I fail to thank him and bask in that gift. Luke 11:13 says "how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" The greatest gift he has offered me is Himself, and I go so long without asking for it. I make it so far without holding this gift close to my heart. But He is the greatest gift. Mary had understood this, Mary basked in this, and Mary had faith.
Lord, help me be like Mary. Give me more of you.
Audrey Assad could not have said this any better..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ive-zxmqk3Q
Luke 10:28-42 "As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
Mary has chosen what is better. Mary has chosen rest. Mary has chosen to bask in the wisdom, in the love, in the presence of God himself. Mary has chosen grace. I want to be Mary.
But I run so much, I love the feel of the wind on my face as I constantly do. I work so hard, I build such a facade, I wear such a stiff mask. I am Mary. I am distracted by everything that must be done, everything I want to do in the short span of 24 hours in a day. I thank God for the gifts he's given me. For friendship, for love, for a house, for my faith. But I fail to ask him for the greatest gift he can offer me. I fail to thank him and bask in that gift. Luke 11:13 says "how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" The greatest gift he has offered me is Himself, and I go so long without asking for it. I make it so far without holding this gift close to my heart. But He is the greatest gift. Mary had understood this, Mary basked in this, and Mary had faith.
Lord, help me be like Mary. Give me more of you.
Audrey Assad could not have said this any better..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ive-zxmqk3Q
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Thankfulness for the Lack
Sometimes the things Jesus says are baffling. Jesus had just been preaching to a city that didn't respond. A city that didn't care. A city he condemned to Hell. And here comes the crazy part. After this frustration of non responsiveness. After watching the tragedy of people He came to save turn away when He offered himself, he prayed. But he didn't say, "God, why?" He said this: "I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding...yes, Father, this was your precious will." What? Thank you that these people didn't accept my love, Thank you that all the work I just did went by the wayside.
That right there, is a hard prayer.
Coming off a week of camp where I didn't get much response, this passage is hurting my head. Because it broke my heart to see no hunger in my campers for the word of God, it was frustrating when they talked and giggled their way through my devotion that I spent time and thoughts on. And that's what Jesus had to feel. He watched the people he loved on, the people he spent time with, the people he dedicated his ministry to, he watched them turn away. He knew his message was the only one to save, yet he watched them turn away, and he let them. Because he loved them. Wrap your head around that one. I was given these girls for the course of one week, to serve, to love on, and to disciple. And this week, service was hard, love wasn't returned and I watched them build walls against the discipleship I offered. And if I want to be like Jesus. I need to offer thanksgiving in the lack, because I can't see the completion of the promise offered, just as Abraham didn't see his nation. Maybe, the Spirit used my words to plant seeds, or they will be remembered in the years to come. Maybe it was just a carrying out of the summer theme verse. "I will boast in my weaknesses so that Christ's power my rest on me." Because as always, I tried to be strong in my power, yet through that, Christ worked in my weakness of a desire for control. Whatever the reason, it was for the glory of God. And maybe there was so much more than met the eye.
So I will aim to be like Jesus and thank him for the lack. Even if it is a hard prayer, even if it hurts to let go of the control.
God's faithfulness is fantastic, because through the crazy week, I didn't take much time to step back and reflect. It's a go, go, go experience. We've got to be here, I've got to change my devotional for tonight, the one I planned doesn't apply, I've got to do, and most importantly I've got to sleep. But now, at home, stepping back, I've realized what God was trying to teach me. The campers were never mine. It was never my role to save them, or change them. That is something God does in His awesome power. I also think he was trying to teach me the importance of rest. Friday morning I got sick so I was counselor down for the count, and I took 3 much needed naps, had time to breathe and fellowship with fellow staff. It was sad, not being about to interact with my campers for a few hours, but I think he was continually showing me these girls were His, not mine, he loved them, and he had plans for them and he didn't need me in order to fulfill them. And he loved me, and he knew I needed rest, so he gave me that gift through my surrender of them to Him.
This morning in Sunday School we learned about building alters of thanks wherever we go. The teacher had us take a rock and build an alter after where we've seen God actively working recently. I realized that even though throughout the camp week, I didn't see God's hand in many things, I see it now. I'm thankful for the week he's given me, I'm thankful for the things I've learned and most importantly I'm thankful for the lack.
And I can sing the words of the hymn this morning in church honestly:
That right there, is a hard prayer.
Coming off a week of camp where I didn't get much response, this passage is hurting my head. Because it broke my heart to see no hunger in my campers for the word of God, it was frustrating when they talked and giggled their way through my devotion that I spent time and thoughts on. And that's what Jesus had to feel. He watched the people he loved on, the people he spent time with, the people he dedicated his ministry to, he watched them turn away. He knew his message was the only one to save, yet he watched them turn away, and he let them. Because he loved them. Wrap your head around that one. I was given these girls for the course of one week, to serve, to love on, and to disciple. And this week, service was hard, love wasn't returned and I watched them build walls against the discipleship I offered. And if I want to be like Jesus. I need to offer thanksgiving in the lack, because I can't see the completion of the promise offered, just as Abraham didn't see his nation. Maybe, the Spirit used my words to plant seeds, or they will be remembered in the years to come. Maybe it was just a carrying out of the summer theme verse. "I will boast in my weaknesses so that Christ's power my rest on me." Because as always, I tried to be strong in my power, yet through that, Christ worked in my weakness of a desire for control. Whatever the reason, it was for the glory of God. And maybe there was so much more than met the eye.
So I will aim to be like Jesus and thank him for the lack. Even if it is a hard prayer, even if it hurts to let go of the control.
God's faithfulness is fantastic, because through the crazy week, I didn't take much time to step back and reflect. It's a go, go, go experience. We've got to be here, I've got to change my devotional for tonight, the one I planned doesn't apply, I've got to do, and most importantly I've got to sleep. But now, at home, stepping back, I've realized what God was trying to teach me. The campers were never mine. It was never my role to save them, or change them. That is something God does in His awesome power. I also think he was trying to teach me the importance of rest. Friday morning I got sick so I was counselor down for the count, and I took 3 much needed naps, had time to breathe and fellowship with fellow staff. It was sad, not being about to interact with my campers for a few hours, but I think he was continually showing me these girls were His, not mine, he loved them, and he had plans for them and he didn't need me in order to fulfill them. And he loved me, and he knew I needed rest, so he gave me that gift through my surrender of them to Him.
This morning in Sunday School we learned about building alters of thanks wherever we go. The teacher had us take a rock and build an alter after where we've seen God actively working recently. I realized that even though throughout the camp week, I didn't see God's hand in many things, I see it now. I'm thankful for the week he's given me, I'm thankful for the things I've learned and most importantly I'm thankful for the lack.
And I can sing the words of the hymn this morning in church honestly:
Great is thy faithfulness,
Great is thy faithfulness,
Great is thy faithfulness,
morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed,
Thy hand hath provided.
Great is thy faithfulness.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Empty My Hands
Oh, how quickly I've forgotten.
Oh, how I've grown so restless and unsatisfied.
How often have I made it to the alter, ready to surrender my entire life and laid it down before you?
Yet all too rashly, snatching my favorite parts back because I love the feel of their touch to my thirsting heart and I fear I will never see them again. I love the joy they bring to my soul, the relief they bring to my life. And I take them back once again, so stealthily that I barely realize I've done it.
You look at my hands, overflowing with the gifts You've given to me, the gifts I've hoarded selfishly, the gifts I've forgotten to share and entrust back to the Giver. The things I hold all too tightly overflow and God, I've given you no room to hold my hand or my heart. You shake your head whispering "You've done it again, my precious child..." And like Hosea, you buy back your unfaithful bride you "allure me and bring me into the wilderness, you speak tenderly to me. You will remove the names of the [idols] from my mouth."
In love and utter faithfulness you allure me to you with the dissatisfaction of the meaninglessness of the daily, you put the unquenchable thirst in my soul, that can only be satisfied by You. I am the woman at the well, searching for meaning and acceptance and you tell me that You are the only Water that can satisfy, my idols will never suffice. The items I've built alters for, the people I've placed on pedestals, were blessings given from You. But I've loved them into idols, I've worshiped their existence in my life instead of the Savior who has given.
If only I would let go of the things I hold so dear, you could hold my hand and use these gifts to lead my back to your glory. My hands are full and it has emptied my heart. So, Lord, open my hands because I hold so tight, let me "taste and see that you are good." Because once I've tasted, I'm sure my hunger will be set ablaze again. I will be always searching, always wanting more of you. Let me have gratitude for the things you've done. Let me not be like the 9 lepers you healed, who turned their face without a simple 'thank you.' Let me be the remaining leper, who turned to praise you at my healing, and received an even deeper healing: salvation. Lord, I don't want to be just healed, I want to be saved. Lord, I don't want be be just saved, I want to be sanctified.
In gratitude, I remember what you have done, I thank for what you have given. In gratitude, I'm awed by the many times you've bought me back, the many times you've had to quench my spiritually dehydrated soul because again I've run, again I've searched for meaning in other things, again I've taken back my life. In gratitude, I am the 10th leper who turned, knowing what you've done for me, asking for more than just healing, asking for You for forever. In gratitude, I will ask for more of You. Only You can satisfy.
The words of Tenth Avenue North could not have captured it better: "Oh, empty my hands, fill up my heart. Capture my mind with you."
Empty my hands.
Oh, how I've grown so restless and unsatisfied.
How often have I made it to the alter, ready to surrender my entire life and laid it down before you?
Yet all too rashly, snatching my favorite parts back because I love the feel of their touch to my thirsting heart and I fear I will never see them again. I love the joy they bring to my soul, the relief they bring to my life. And I take them back once again, so stealthily that I barely realize I've done it.
You look at my hands, overflowing with the gifts You've given to me, the gifts I've hoarded selfishly, the gifts I've forgotten to share and entrust back to the Giver. The things I hold all too tightly overflow and God, I've given you no room to hold my hand or my heart. You shake your head whispering "You've done it again, my precious child..." And like Hosea, you buy back your unfaithful bride you "allure me and bring me into the wilderness, you speak tenderly to me. You will remove the names of the [idols] from my mouth."
In love and utter faithfulness you allure me to you with the dissatisfaction of the meaninglessness of the daily, you put the unquenchable thirst in my soul, that can only be satisfied by You. I am the woman at the well, searching for meaning and acceptance and you tell me that You are the only Water that can satisfy, my idols will never suffice. The items I've built alters for, the people I've placed on pedestals, were blessings given from You. But I've loved them into idols, I've worshiped their existence in my life instead of the Savior who has given.
If only I would let go of the things I hold so dear, you could hold my hand and use these gifts to lead my back to your glory. My hands are full and it has emptied my heart. So, Lord, open my hands because I hold so tight, let me "taste and see that you are good." Because once I've tasted, I'm sure my hunger will be set ablaze again. I will be always searching, always wanting more of you. Let me have gratitude for the things you've done. Let me not be like the 9 lepers you healed, who turned their face without a simple 'thank you.' Let me be the remaining leper, who turned to praise you at my healing, and received an even deeper healing: salvation. Lord, I don't want to be just healed, I want to be saved. Lord, I don't want be be just saved, I want to be sanctified.
In gratitude, I remember what you have done, I thank for what you have given. In gratitude, I'm awed by the many times you've bought me back, the many times you've had to quench my spiritually dehydrated soul because again I've run, again I've searched for meaning in other things, again I've taken back my life. In gratitude, I am the 10th leper who turned, knowing what you've done for me, asking for more than just healing, asking for You for forever. In gratitude, I will ask for more of You. Only You can satisfy.
The words of Tenth Avenue North could not have captured it better: "Oh, empty my hands, fill up my heart. Capture my mind with you."
Empty my hands.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Reflections
The Spontaneity I've embarked on, it's like my fingertips brushed against the face of God. The friends I've loved, harder than ever before, held my hand, guiding me through life with their laughter and smiles. The joy I've felt, was born deep inside of me, but set on the flame of the Spirit, bubbles higher than ever before. And I hope if a heart were to look at mine, they'd see love, they'd feel joy, they'd meet Jesus.
Time has flown by, developed sonic speed, laughing in my face as it escapades past in a rush of love and memories. Leaves me breathless, with a lack of words, remembering not the moments I sat idly, but the moments I forgot to stop moving, leaving my house in a whirlwind, stopping only long enough to catch a breath of fresh air.
Because the memories I hold encapsulate the photoshoot in the rain, buying outrageously expensive umbrellas. Just to remember. Lying underneath the stars on a cold May evening, on a playground labeled "No Trespassing." Freezing huddled under a blanket not quite long enough to stretch over the three of us. Laughing until I fear I've broken a rib, as tears stream down my face. Thunderstorms at work inspire us to dance in the rain, pouring around us, in an empty parking lot. Driving way too fast on back roads, country music blasting out our windows, smiles dancing in our eyes. Eating ice cream at least once a week as it hurts my sensitive teeth, promising me it is not a dream, I'm still alive. Staying awake until 3am, whispering secrets and lives, reflecting on who we are, where we've been, what we have become. I've not regretted sitting in a library for hours searching for books that my alter my world, if only a little, might broaden my horizons, if only a lot.
It feels only yesterday a little girl stood at my door asking to be best friends on my first day of first grade. The new girl in the neighborhood, I was. It feels only yesterday that same girl and I made hairbands out of flowers, and I cried when she found new friends. It feels only yesterday that playing in the schoolyard was my entire world, tragedy painted when a friend didn't show up for school. We loved, we lived. And then middle school came, and still it feels like a heartbeat ago, I thought I was in love, and I had my first dance. Only minutes ago, when I fell hard into reality. A boy we loved acted in the moment, feeling instead our hate, killing his pain. In the process, leaving children to mourn something we couldn't yet understand. Cancer personified into something, not just a story I'd read in my library books. But an enemy taken residence in a loved one. The moment I had to be a best friend for real, and comfort tragedy acted in a cold anger, in thoughtless actions. Bitter to touch, the kind we were certain would never strike our fears, our lives. Yesterday, when I lay upside down on a bed staring at the ceiling with three of the most beautiful girls in the world and we lamented the fact that high school was endless. When could we move on? When could we dream? A second ago, when I had to breathe the words goodbye through tears and clenched fists for the first time, to my mother, my other half. A moment ago, when God asked for my heart again and it became His, as He painfully tore idols down, broke my heart, and built it back again. Auntie Annes and popcorn. Trees with babies and mugs for a dime. Broken necklaces and 13 hour car rides. These memories that dance in my head with time. Yet again, time has been a reckless thief. He has broken so many hearts, and shattered so many dreams. But I'll step in and take the lead because these thoughts are mine, these memories were are gift to me from God above, as he wanted me to see who I was and how He made me who I am. Time continues to run, faster than I'm okay with, but I love and I dream. I want to be the old woman we visited in a nursing home. Remembering wasn't a painful affair, she loved, she lived, she traveled and acted on her dreams. She can look back and smile. She doesn't need to whisper, "God, why didn't I do that...?" I want to be like that woman. I want to say I loved and was loved. My dreams are big, they don't have much of a direction quite yet, but I believe that is something God will lead me to, but until then, I dream, I live, I love. I breathe.
Time has flown by, developed sonic speed, laughing in my face as it escapades past in a rush of love and memories. Leaves me breathless, with a lack of words, remembering not the moments I sat idly, but the moments I forgot to stop moving, leaving my house in a whirlwind, stopping only long enough to catch a breath of fresh air.
Because the memories I hold encapsulate the photoshoot in the rain, buying outrageously expensive umbrellas. Just to remember. Lying underneath the stars on a cold May evening, on a playground labeled "No Trespassing." Freezing huddled under a blanket not quite long enough to stretch over the three of us. Laughing until I fear I've broken a rib, as tears stream down my face. Thunderstorms at work inspire us to dance in the rain, pouring around us, in an empty parking lot. Driving way too fast on back roads, country music blasting out our windows, smiles dancing in our eyes. Eating ice cream at least once a week as it hurts my sensitive teeth, promising me it is not a dream, I'm still alive. Staying awake until 3am, whispering secrets and lives, reflecting on who we are, where we've been, what we have become. I've not regretted sitting in a library for hours searching for books that my alter my world, if only a little, might broaden my horizons, if only a lot.
It feels only yesterday a little girl stood at my door asking to be best friends on my first day of first grade. The new girl in the neighborhood, I was. It feels only yesterday that same girl and I made hairbands out of flowers, and I cried when she found new friends. It feels only yesterday that playing in the schoolyard was my entire world, tragedy painted when a friend didn't show up for school. We loved, we lived. And then middle school came, and still it feels like a heartbeat ago, I thought I was in love, and I had my first dance. Only minutes ago, when I fell hard into reality. A boy we loved acted in the moment, feeling instead our hate, killing his pain. In the process, leaving children to mourn something we couldn't yet understand. Cancer personified into something, not just a story I'd read in my library books. But an enemy taken residence in a loved one. The moment I had to be a best friend for real, and comfort tragedy acted in a cold anger, in thoughtless actions. Bitter to touch, the kind we were certain would never strike our fears, our lives. Yesterday, when I lay upside down on a bed staring at the ceiling with three of the most beautiful girls in the world and we lamented the fact that high school was endless. When could we move on? When could we dream? A second ago, when I had to breathe the words goodbye through tears and clenched fists for the first time, to my mother, my other half. A moment ago, when God asked for my heart again and it became His, as He painfully tore idols down, broke my heart, and built it back again. Auntie Annes and popcorn. Trees with babies and mugs for a dime. Broken necklaces and 13 hour car rides. These memories that dance in my head with time. Yet again, time has been a reckless thief. He has broken so many hearts, and shattered so many dreams. But I'll step in and take the lead because these thoughts are mine, these memories were are gift to me from God above, as he wanted me to see who I was and how He made me who I am. Time continues to run, faster than I'm okay with, but I love and I dream. I want to be the old woman we visited in a nursing home. Remembering wasn't a painful affair, she loved, she lived, she traveled and acted on her dreams. She can look back and smile. She doesn't need to whisper, "God, why didn't I do that...?" I want to be like that woman. I want to say I loved and was loved. My dreams are big, they don't have much of a direction quite yet, but I believe that is something God will lead me to, but until then, I dream, I live, I love. I breathe.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Poems from a Broken Writer's Block
Friendship
Mingling of souls,
Mingling of souls,
as I realize this is what I was created for.
An understanding of commonality,
a basis for trust,
for love.
When the catharsis comes,
no judgement
just acceptance as tears fall down a face.
As the testimony is formed,
it binds us together,
it makes us one.
Who we were and who we have become,
weaving us together as a flawless bride.
Laughter,
a diaphragm contracts,
a joyful kind of pain,
the hilarity of nothing,
yet the alleviation of something.
A felicity that takes all the doubts away.
Together we are.
These meaningless words,
fail to define a friendship,
flounder under the meaning,
waste away under the love.
Little had they known,
this friendship provided a balm,
a healing,
for a wounded heart.
When a satisfied slumber falls over our eyes,
and silence is whispered in our ears,
we feel what it means to be called a friend.
The weight of such a calling,
is light,
yet heavy.
The capacity of such a love,
is unrelenting.
Yet all just an obscure mirror reflection,
of Love himself.
A hazy image of the godly friendship
of the Trinity.
Time
Time is a thief.
Time is a thief.
Stealing away these precious moments,
eroding away at my sacred memories.
It does not stop for the eyes that need
just one more smile to encapsulate a broken heart
with joy.
It tears through space,
every dreadfully long second,
forcing you to whisper,
"how long?"
into the expanse.
Yet the mind is strong,
there is this sanctuary that it has locked those memories into.
Granting access only to the beholder herself,
not to time,
or the ocean waves that torment the shores of her heart.
Every so often,
she's lost the key.
She cannot find where she kept it,
she's convinced time has stolen it away.
She cries because she cannot remember the face,
her heart refuses to search.
The key though,
is her heart.
She understands that she is but a blink away from
opening her sanctuary,
her safe haven,
her heart.
To behold these memories,
that bring pain and felicity,
joy and sorrow,
but most importantly love.
So open your heart,
that is a key and
sanctuary itself,
and breathe
because time has not stolen the memories,
it has stolen only itself.
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