There is this story of Jesus I have fallen in love with. I've been reading it for weeks and I still come up speechless, in awe, flabbergasted by the absolute beauty of my Savior. Hidden in those last few weeks of Jesus' life is recorded a stunning story of selfless love in the face of rejection, deep grief evidenced by his devotion to those He loved and an incredible Light that shown in the darkest of places.
"Lord, if you had been here..."
The words fell from Martha's mouth like a burning coal.
They had sent for Jesus days before when it became evident that Lazarus was dying. They needed their Savior, they needed His healing power. They pleaded with him to come.
1 day went by.
2 days passed.
4 days Lazarus had been in the tomb.
4 days. Jesus had been a few miles from the house
and He did not come.
If it had been me, my thoughts would be chaos.
Jesus, why did you not come?
Jesus, where were you?
Jesus. . . why?
I've been there. You've been there. I see the struggle. There is tension all around of people trusting Jesus and yet wondering about his goodness through it all.
They did not doubt his power. They knew He was powerful. They knew He was a healer.
But He didn't come.
As soon as He arrived, Martha ran to him, "Lord if you had been here, my brother would not have died."
But Martha, the one we condemn for working and not resting.
The one we do not want to be,
this sister trusted because she goes on,
"But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you."
Trust saturated her words. The pain in her heart was unbearable, yet her belief in her Savior was undeniable.
Death's last word hung heavy in the sky and Jesus' words reverberated across her bleeding soul.
"I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet he shall live. Do you believe?"
Without hesitation, her words came from the truth that she believed in her inmost being. "Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God who is coming into the world."
Mary waited at home. She was the one whose feelings got the best of her. Whose heart mourned in ways I only wish I could.
When Jesus came, she fell at His feet and said the same words that her sister said. Through her sobs, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."
I am so much more like Mary in this story. I leave my accusation. I speak my thoughts.
If you had been here, my heart would not hurt so.
If you had been here, the grave would not be closed.
Jesus saw her tears. He saw the tomb, and he wept.
Onto the ground, he sank. Grief washed over him.
He knew that he would raise Lazarus, but his heart still shattered at the grief of those he loved and the pain within his heart.
He cried because he felt the pain of searing loss when death seems to be victorious.
He cried because of the pain that his friends had been subjected to, because of the doubt this situation had birthed in their hearts.
He wept because life was hard.
This story ends in hope. Jesus walks to the grave and demands the stone be moved.
He commands the dead man to come out of the tomb.
Lazarus, dead for four days, breathe again.
Lazarus, in a tomb for four days, rises.
Lazarus lives again.
But what about us? Sometimes we cry out. Tears pour into our pillowcases. Our hearts break because the healing has not happened yet. Our dead have not come back to us, nor will they this side of heaven. Our dreams sometimes feel unachievable and no one is standing for us and it crushes our Spirit. Diseases and disabilities cripple us. Life is hard.
How do we trust in Jesus' goodness if He says no to a miracle?
How do we lean into Him if He tells us to wait forever?
How do we believe that He is good when the pain is real?
A week after Lazarus' resurrection, Jesus found himself in a similar, painful place.
He was the night before His crucifixion and his Spirit was in agony. Luke 22:44 says, "And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground."
He prayed, "Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from Me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done."
How deep His pain.
His body reacting to the turmoil in his soul.
He heart torn between obedience to His Father and his flesh.
Jesus did not want to be subject to pain.
The Son of God felt a pain exponentially worse than I can even imagine.
What great love this is.
How could Jesus trust in the Father's goodness? Because He knew Him.
Jesus believed even in the pain that His Father was good.
Jesus trusted that even when the Father allowed the pain, He was absolutely trustworthy.
Jesus modeled trust. Even in his most painful moments.
So how do we trust Jesus' goodness when this side of Heaven is painfully real?
We model Jesus. We take our grief to the Father, in our agony we pray fervently, we pour our heart before Him like Mary, and we choose, in the midst of the pain, like Martha, to trust that He is good even when our circumstances are hopeless.
In this post, my heart is thinking about my friends whose baby is in the hospital. It's been many months and their journey is painful to follow as many prayers float to Heaven and the healing has not yet come. They like Martha, have trusted in His goodness in the depth of their pain.
We will continue to pray for healing, for this side of heaven to not hurt so, for the struggle to subside, for the tears to end.
But even if the answer does not come, even if the story remains the way we do not want.
We will trust that His answer is in Jesus. In the beautiful work that He did on the cross.
"I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet he shall live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die."
*passages taken from John 11 and Luke 22
"Lord, if you had been here..."
The words fell from Martha's mouth like a burning coal.
They had sent for Jesus days before when it became evident that Lazarus was dying. They needed their Savior, they needed His healing power. They pleaded with him to come.
1 day went by.
2 days passed.
4 days Lazarus had been in the tomb.
4 days. Jesus had been a few miles from the house
and He did not come.
If it had been me, my thoughts would be chaos.
Jesus, why did you not come?
Jesus, where were you?
Jesus. . . why?
I've been there. You've been there. I see the struggle. There is tension all around of people trusting Jesus and yet wondering about his goodness through it all.
They did not doubt his power. They knew He was powerful. They knew He was a healer.
But He didn't come.
As soon as He arrived, Martha ran to him, "Lord if you had been here, my brother would not have died."
But Martha, the one we condemn for working and not resting.
The one we do not want to be,
this sister trusted because she goes on,
"But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you."
Trust saturated her words. The pain in her heart was unbearable, yet her belief in her Savior was undeniable.
Death's last word hung heavy in the sky and Jesus' words reverberated across her bleeding soul.
"I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet he shall live. Do you believe?"
Without hesitation, her words came from the truth that she believed in her inmost being. "Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God who is coming into the world."
Mary waited at home. She was the one whose feelings got the best of her. Whose heart mourned in ways I only wish I could.
When Jesus came, she fell at His feet and said the same words that her sister said. Through her sobs, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."
I am so much more like Mary in this story. I leave my accusation. I speak my thoughts.
If you had been here, my heart would not hurt so.
If you had been here, the grave would not be closed.
Jesus saw her tears. He saw the tomb, and he wept.
Onto the ground, he sank. Grief washed over him.
He knew that he would raise Lazarus, but his heart still shattered at the grief of those he loved and the pain within his heart.
He cried because he felt the pain of searing loss when death seems to be victorious.
He cried because of the pain that his friends had been subjected to, because of the doubt this situation had birthed in their hearts.
He wept because life was hard.
This story ends in hope. Jesus walks to the grave and demands the stone be moved.
He commands the dead man to come out of the tomb.
Lazarus, dead for four days, breathe again.
Lazarus, in a tomb for four days, rises.
Lazarus lives again.
But what about us? Sometimes we cry out. Tears pour into our pillowcases. Our hearts break because the healing has not happened yet. Our dead have not come back to us, nor will they this side of heaven. Our dreams sometimes feel unachievable and no one is standing for us and it crushes our Spirit. Diseases and disabilities cripple us. Life is hard.
How do we trust in Jesus' goodness if He says no to a miracle?
How do we lean into Him if He tells us to wait forever?
How do we believe that He is good when the pain is real?
A week after Lazarus' resurrection, Jesus found himself in a similar, painful place.
He was the night before His crucifixion and his Spirit was in agony. Luke 22:44 says, "And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground."
He prayed, "Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from Me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done."
How deep His pain.
His body reacting to the turmoil in his soul.
He heart torn between obedience to His Father and his flesh.
Jesus did not want to be subject to pain.
The Son of God felt a pain exponentially worse than I can even imagine.
What great love this is.
How could Jesus trust in the Father's goodness? Because He knew Him.
Jesus believed even in the pain that His Father was good.
Jesus trusted that even when the Father allowed the pain, He was absolutely trustworthy.
Jesus modeled trust. Even in his most painful moments.
So how do we trust Jesus' goodness when this side of Heaven is painfully real?
We model Jesus. We take our grief to the Father, in our agony we pray fervently, we pour our heart before Him like Mary, and we choose, in the midst of the pain, like Martha, to trust that He is good even when our circumstances are hopeless.
In this post, my heart is thinking about my friends whose baby is in the hospital. It's been many months and their journey is painful to follow as many prayers float to Heaven and the healing has not yet come. They like Martha, have trusted in His goodness in the depth of their pain.
We will continue to pray for healing, for this side of heaven to not hurt so, for the struggle to subside, for the tears to end.
But even if the answer does not come, even if the story remains the way we do not want.
We will trust that His answer is in Jesus. In the beautiful work that He did on the cross.
"I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet he shall live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die."
*passages taken from John 11 and Luke 22
