Wednesday, September 26, 2018

filled with hope

not only that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us



we rejoice in our sufferings.
I watched my world burn. I watch fire burn those I love. I have let control slip through my desperate fingers, surrendering to the suffering that ravages my soul. The fires started small and I did everything I could to extinguish them. But they kept getting bigger and pouring water on their source only seemed to cause them to grow bigger. Was I more wrecked by their power or my inability to stop it?
I see the ruins. Sometimes still smoking, sometimes still burning me when I touch them, hoping to find hope still intact. I see them and my heart sinks because the heaviness is unbearable. The brokenness of my soul barren, the holes in my heart visible.

in this we rejoice.

how contradictory to my nature. it is not "we ignore our sufferings and we rejoice." It is "we rejoice in our sufferings. In the rubble. In the pain. In the fire. We rejoice.

knowing that suffering produces endurance

this is not endurance in my ability to withstand the pain.
this is the creation of my very faith. this is the truth that surpasses my suffering.
this is the rest in who my God is.

we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

not only that,
we rejoice in our sufferings.

my suffering seems everpresent, all-encompassing, the center of the table.
my prayers revolve around suffering.
my life encircles around this thing I have deemed most important.

we rejoice because of who Christ is.
who am I? justified by faith, in peace with God, a rejoicer because I rest in grace
who is he? the justifier, the giver of grace and access, the glorious God who gave Jesus Christ

we rejoice in our sufferings
this rejoicing is not a smile plastered on my face declaring my happiness from the rooftops.
no, this joy is the deep peace in my heart that reminds me of who Christ is. this joy is because of the river of grace that keeps replenishing my burned and ruined soul. it is the rest in my soul, not the smile on my face.

suffering produces endurance
it reminds me who He is, a continual faith and trust that God is who He says He is.
the daily lifting of my head, the act of putting one foot in front of another, knowing it is Him I continue to live for.

endurance produces character
as I rest in this hope, in this truth, he creates me. I am the clay and he molds me into his own.

character produces hope

and hope does not put us to shame because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. 

I have hope because my sufferings are not everything. this is not the end. the endurance that seems to be the end of me, the tiredness in my feet that comes from moving forward, the heaviness of my heart opening myself up to hope. This hope will not put me to shame because God keeps pouring his Spirit into my heart, he keeps pouring his love into me and for that reason, I am filled with hope.