to the church that raised me: body

to the church that raised me,

The sermons always started out like this: "Do you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God." (1 Corinthians 6:19)
The trajectory of the story began like this: you are valuable, you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

The points of the sermon were as following:

1. Dress modestly. (you don't want to cause your brother in Christ to stumble). Your shorts must be approximately mid-thigh, straps three fingers, no bra straps out (because men 'complete the picture'), no cleavage, make sure it's not too tight, find a swim suit that covers everything, no bikinis, swim skirts are better, cover your belly, there are exceptions for prom/formal wear, but make sure it isn't too revealing - but you should probably go to a prom alternative instead.

2. Be pure. No sex before marriage, no kissing, no dating, don't talk to boys, don't look at porn, don't touch your body. (the above things are sin which must be repented from)

3. The body is the flesh- therefore it is deceitful and sinful. Your body will long for things that are unattainable, just say no.

The conclusion of the sermon was this: Your body is a temple of the holy spirit.

I embraced this message wholeheartedly. I followed the modesty rules to a tee. I didn't even talk to boys in high school because I was afraid to sin. I never listened to my body.

These messages have planted shame with deep roots into my mind. It took me years to hear my body, to listen to her voice as she tried to speak lovingly to me. She spoke a lot of messages about what kept me comfortable, when I was hungry, when I was stressed, when I was angry. I suppressed her for so long that I am still learning to hear her and listen kindly.

It is taken me a while to articulate why the messages above were so harmful, as I want to teach my future children to value their bodies. It bothered me because we shamed the girls who wore yoga pants to Church, the ones that had boyfriends and couldn't find a more modest bathing suit. There were so many expectations on women and how they should dress and present themselves. This message that sent the girls if anything were to happen to them, it was their body that was giving consent, not their voice. Rather than teaching our girls about their body, sexual development, how to love themselves and consent, we taught them to never put themselves in any of these positions.


I remember a metaphor that was used to describe what it meant when you had sex before marriage, comparing someone to velcro that loses it's stick. But there would be forgiveness and God would clean your spirit if you repented.

I remember the pastor telling the wives that they should wear makeup to please their husbands.

I remember my youth leader tucking in my bra strap.

I remember the adults asking "what was she wearing?"

I believe that our bodies are not deceitful. I believe that we must learn to listen to our bodies, to be kind to them. If we tell our girls that their body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, can we not learn to teach them as such? To love their bodies, to value them, to listen to them, that there is no part of them that is sin.

When she speaks to me by increasing my heart rate, I learn to listen and slow down.
When she tells me "you're tired," I stay on the couch for the night and I go to bed.
When she is feeling insecure, I pull out my yoga mat and remind her how strong she is.
When she is anxious and she tries to care for others to overcompensate, I ask her what is wrong.
When I wash my face, I try to be gentle, rather than scrubbing the pimples away.
When she feels a hatred for her figure, I look at her and call her beautiful.
When her thighs rub together, I look at my thigh tattoo and admire the canvas that holds my favorite piece of artwork.

Can we learn to love our bodies rather than hate them from the beginning?
In a culture that is filled with messages that we are not enough, can we make the Church a place that reminds us of our value rather than being another painful voice that we are not enough?
Church, we must not make timid women, we must create fierce warriors.

love, a woman with a body